The Great White North

Winter appeared today with the first snowfall of the season. There’s something akin to “dreamy” about the season’s first snowfall. As I see it, there is a fine line for snow between wonderful and miserable that the first snow almost always gets a pass on regardless of other events. It is inevitably wonderful, especially if it comes before the holidays and you can warm up with a bowl of tomato soup sitting beside a decorated Christmas tree with gifts gathering underneath.

I got to leave work early, happily driving through the thick of the storm, with speeds cut in half by the very real threat of icy conditions. When I got home, in the midst of the snowfall, I pulled out the old snow shovel to shovel the few inches of snow that lined our driveway and front stoop. I was oddly delighted to do so – cheerfully remembering the hours upon back-breaking hours spent performing this chore in last year’s Snow-pocalypse.

Post-snow-pocolyptic

The snow last year was miserable, in every sense of the word. It was wonderful as it fell on a Friday night and all day Saturday, but even as it continued to fall on Saturday night, the misery sank in as you were forced to consider getting to work on Monday. By Sunday, the blanket of white made way to a landscape marked by dirty sloshes of snow, and the impending work was in full swing. 

This is the only picture we took of the snow on the cars.  You can kind of see them under the snow.

It was a neighborhood effort and led to piles of snow taller than me. Soon we ran out of places to put the snow and we called it a day. I haven’t spoken to some of those people since.

Going to work wasn’t even considered the first day or two for most, but I believe soon everyone grew snow-weary and work beckoned so the roads filled and accidents happened and people got angry.

That snow was miserable. Today’s was beautifully wonderful.

Something in My Shoe

Yes, there is something in my shoe. It has been there all day long. It is neither sharp nor painful, but it is there, in my shoe. I can feel it with every step I take, hiding beneath my toe. It can only be so big, as it provides just enough discomfort – demands just enough attention – that I seem to forget about it when I sit down, so it remains in my shoe, under my big toe.

No, I have not removed the unwanted object in my shoe. I have not bent to its demands. I have not given any interest to this dull, hard thing that is worrying my toe. The existence of the thing that is in my shoe is of no consequence to me as I am above it and it is below me, digging into my big toe.

My toe belongs in my shoe. This hard object does not. I am confident that any irritation experienced on the part of my big toe pails in comparison to the distress put upon the unwelcome object in my shoe. Therefore, the shoe remains on my foot with this foreign entity in it. Be sure however, that upon its removal from my shoe, the blunt item lodged under my large toe will stay out of my shoe, forevermore.

It is only with the intention of providing you, dear reader, a complete picture of this misplaced monstrosity pitted against my ample toe in the confines of my inner sole that I am now removing said shoe from said foot. Ah, yes! I should have expected nothing less! This exploratory exercise has revealed a small piece of plastic that I believe once held a price tag on a recently purchased item.

In fact, if my limitless memory serves me correctly, I believe I placed this item in my shoe in order to keep it off of the floor, thinking at the time, “If this ends up on the floor, it will never be thrown away.”

Now I am returning this knotted plastic to the interior of my shoe, where it will unsuccessfully try to find an unobtrusive home. Ah, yes, there it is, pressing into the outside of my foot.

Email! Dang!

I haven’t written in a while because life’s gotten in the way. While I’ve been too busy to write anything much, I’ve definitely been thinking a lot. One thing that I’ve thought is about email.

People who know more than I do are starting to wonder how long email will last, as Facebook and Twitter look to take over the world. I’ve begun wondering the same thing… I mean my spam folder isn’t filling up like it once did. Call me old-fashioned, but I have a hard time getting into the world of Facebook and Twitter as I’m never sure what is worthy of mention (although I did have one immaculate – albeit chilled – Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich for lunch today at the lake… dang, it was good!)

Are Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches old-fashioned, too? In this world of healthy eats and peanut allergies, the answer is “probably so,” but that’s okay, I’m an old-fashion kind of guy. Anyways, my email idea is equally old-fashioned.

In this world of Facebook updates and Facebook comments and comments on comments and Tweets of comments on comments and Facebook updates of tweets of comments on comments, it is all just too much. The problem is not that of Facebook or Twitter though. It goes way back to email times and has taken many forms.

My idea is that my email should come once a day, all at the same time. This way, by the time I read my email, I can see what everybody thinks about an idea all at the same time. Then if I feel compelled, I can add my comment and the next day, when I check my email again, I can see what people said about my comment. It could probably work for Facebook too.

Now, I can see your furrowed brow, and I can hear exhale of arrogance. And I agree there is an easy way to make that happen. And maybe I will start checking my email but once a day, but what if I wasn’t the only one that had to live like that? What if it applied to everyone? Sure people might wait anxiously by their computer for their email to arrive, but how great would it be when it did? With the way people check their Facebook, it would be like Christmas morning each and every day! Then you could read it, respond, and go about your day until the next day. Dang, it would be good!

By the way, how did the post office miss out on creating an email service? Maybe they couldn’t offer all the bells and whistles of the email players, just a thought. My email has already become more like my actual mailbox than anything else… most days it’s just bills and ads. Dang, I'm brilliant.

Differing Thought

It’s strange what your mind gets caught on. You find yourself thinking about this weird saying or event at strange times for days and even weeks to come, and, if you’re like me, every time the thought springs up in your head, it’s quickly followed by the thought, why am I thinking about this.

This week, I’ve thought a lot about a 30-second conversation I had over Thanksgiving about shoes. I bought new shoes a few months ago. I’ve needed new shoes for much longer and I actively shopped for shoes for at least two weeks before hand.

The shoes that I was replacing were the best shoes I’ve ever owned, hands down. They were my first pair of Rockports, and they more than lived up to their name. I bought them in February 2007, so for the better part of four years they were my primary shoes. Early on, their stitching got a little ruffled and the toe got a little scuffled, but they felt great, even towards the end. Alas though, for shoes and creatures alike, the end is near when there is a hole in its soul that just can’t be fixed… or sole.

I decided on a pair of swanky Clarks as the new Rockports didn’t look right. My new shoes are great, and I love them, but they appear to scuff up pretty easily. So my mother, hi Mom!, asked me what caused that, and I didn’t know. My dad, hi Dad!, apparently believes the stairs are to blame. At the time, I said something like, Oh that makes sense, because it makes sense and I didn’t have a better reason. The conversation shifted and was quickly forgotten about. Until…

I got home and, much to my wife’s dismay, marched upstairs with my shoes on. I was about halfway up the stairs when I remembered my Dad’s Theory of Shoe Toe Scuff: blame the stairs. I slowed down and watched my steps. I proved his theory false. And then I continued my march up the stairs with other things on my mind.

Throughout the week, the thought returned frequently and without cause.  I'd be singing to a song on the radio and just as I get to a point where I don't know the words, the question would visit me for a while.    What scuffs my shoes?  I'd be pouring a glass of water and suddenly there it was.  Shaving.  Showering.  Busy at work.  The question would come and go, and I'd go mindlessly on my way.

By the end of the week, the question had lingered long enough that I decided I needed shoe polish, stat.  Last night, I put it on my official Christmas list to Santa,  Brown Shoe Polish.  Then this morning at work, in the middle of a conversation, the thought filled my head just as I was getting out of my car... so it was that awkward time when the conversation is put on hold for both people to get out of the car. 

Accompanying the question this time, however, was the answer.  So with no further ado, John Duffy's Shoe Toe Scuff Theory is... getting in and out of the car.  For me this is when my shoes get scuffed.  This has been further evidence of my brilliance, and I am publicly recommending that there be a law requiring signs posted at all automobile exits urging passengers to heed caution as they exit the vehicle. 

Qatar 2022

Today’s horoscope, from the Washington Post:

Taurus(4/20 – 5/20): Sometimes the one who has a novel take on things or can talk about a little known subject is considered quite interesting – in small doses that is.

With this in mind, all that I will say regarding the 2022 World Cup being awarded to Qatar over the US that I am extremely bummed. 

Here’s the video presentation of five of the twelve NFL-size stadiums to be built in a desert country, roughly the size of Connecticut in 12 years:
It will be quite the spectacle!  Congatulations Qatar!

World Cup Bid

You and I have something in common. We are both anxiously awaiting the results of tomorrow’s World Cup Bid.

The US is a contender for the 2022 Cup. That would put me at a spry 42 years of age, with enough disposable income to buy tickets to a game or two and, if all goes according to plan, kids that will be old enough to remember going.

A World Cup hosted by the US would be hugely successful for soccer in the world, as far as profits go, and in the USA it would further elevate the sport despite its lack of “TV time-outs.” Plus, with the decision being announced tomorrow, I would have 12 years to perfect my patriotic body make-up and face paint that would surely be captured by the television cameras. Oh, to be broadcast for all the world to see!

Yep, it would be something, all right.

But I’ve been forced into using hopeful “would”s and not certain “will”s in my writing as the once ironclad US bid has faltered a bit and has slipped into third after Qatar and Australia . Australia I can understand, although the time difference would suck, but the tiny desert nation of Qatar , hosting a sporting event in the middle of summer? The absurdity of it is mind-boggling.

I, however, will not be too disappointed when the Cup is given to the oil-rich, bribe-happy, Qatari people because of one thing. They can build way-cool stadiums. (I’ve seen the word “stadia” used more than “stadiums,” but I’m not stooping to peer pressure. Plus, stadia looks silly.) If you haven’t seen the list of to-be-built stadiums, they are amazing, and I can’t wait to see them become a reality. Because oil tycoons can do what they want, the stadiums offer things that don’t make any sense, like air-conditioning for an outdoor stadium and the ability to be deconstructed and shipped to third world countries. I can hear ‘em now, “I think we’re gonna need a bigger boat.”

One is built on a man-made island that requires boat taxis to get to.

Another is shaped like a giant seashell.

Anyways, here’s the full list… each one more spectacular than the next.

Giving Thanks to... The Prince William County Parks Authority

It came out of nowhere. Big and hairy and carrying a stench so vile that few people live to tell about it.

Let me back up… Everything changes with the seasons, most notably the lake where I eat lunch often. The leaves turn into a vivid array of splendid colors that makes one think, “now, THIS is why man invented the color TV!” Then the leaves quickly fall to the ground, revealing a depressing world of suburban townhomes just beyond the curtain of trees and forces one to think, “now, this is why man invented the TV.”

The falling temperatures and rising winds have forced me to move from the shade by the lake to a sunny picnic table near the lake. Today was a bit warmer, I was enjoying another delectable Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich and some dry cereal – it’s almost Thanksgiving and I haven’t gone to the store – thinking about the wonders of my thoughts when I turn to face a giant beast! It had a stick in its mouth and a wag in its tail.

It was a giant dog the size of a school bus and appeared to have recently plunged into the lake where I eat lunch often and now wanted to play. Wrapped up by its enthusiasm, I put out my hand to pet the big wet dog, and it, in turn, jumped in my lap. This is not what I wanted to happen, and as I let out a moan, the wild creature raced off back towards the lake.

As I stood there shaking my internal fist, I could feel the infection of wet dog smell sweep over me, emanating from my wet pants. It was then that I decided it was time to give thanks.

Dear Prince William County Parks Authority,

I just wanted to say thank you for all your excellent work with the parks in the county. I regularly visit the Lakeridge Marina and always appreciate the peace and quiet that it affords.  The park is always clean and well-maintained making it a delight each and every time I go.

I also really like the new park near Haymarket; I believe it is called Silver Lake.  I've only been a handful of times, but have enjoyed it every time.  At first I was disappointed to learn that a middle school was being built so close to the lake, but when it is done it will be wonderful for both the students and the community alike.

Thanks again and happy holidays,
John Duffy

Thanks for Nothing

Thanks for nothing Muted Guerrilla.

I truly am thankful for so much each and everyday. But in an effort to maintain my rugged masculinity, I have faltered in my attempt to thank someone every single day. As I’ve alluded to before, it just doesn’t feel right to go around giving thanks all the time. Plus, if you deserve a thank you, you know what it is you did, and a simple, heart-felt, “Thanks” should sum it up.

That being said, I started this nonsense, so I’ll see it through, however sporadic it happens to be, till the end of the month. I had to back-date a number of posts, but don’t miss my thanks to an artist, a radio station, a website, a restaurant, and a superstar.

Giving Thanks to... John Sovjani

Dear John Sovjani,

I just wanted to say that it was a pleasure to speak with you this past Saturday at the art show in Gaithersburg , MD. My wife and I bought several of your prints and we love them all. They really help make our new(ish) home feel like ours.

We had bought a few small prints five or six years ago when we were just dating and we have always said how much we would love to decorate our walls with your artwork. Now that we have started this, I cannot tell you how pleased we both are with it.

Thank you so much, happy holidays,
John and Tiffany Duffy

They really are awesome. We went to the artshow mainly to see him, and he was one of the last booths we walked past. His booth is set up so that he has originals on one side and prints on the other.

After we decided on which ones we wanted,

we were waiting in line to purchase them – he was doing some serious business, and chatting up a storm with each and every one, which I think is part of the appeal – I struck up a conversation with an older couple… or well, they started talking to me. I had heard the man talking earlier about the pieces that he has in his attic that he doesn’t have room for. The first thing he said to me was along the lines of “that print there… I own the original. It looks amazing in the spare bedroom of my house in Delaware.” They bought three originals from him. Maybe one day that will be me, but if I had to guess… my second home will not be in Delaware.

Giving Thanks to... Christmas Radio

Dear 97.1 WASH-FM,

More than any other one thing, I know the holiday season is here when you switch your broadcast to the 24 hour Christmas playlist. Thank you for adding to this wonderful time of year. Music is so powerful in that it can invoke memories, relieve stress, set the mood, and bring joy and happiness to all. This is especially true around the holidays with Christmas music.

Happy Holidays!
John Duffy

So… truthfully? The local radio station switched over to all Christmas joy on Friday. I love me some holiday music, hence the thank you, but all Christmas, all the time is a bit much. It may be the happ-happiest season of all but there’s a fine line between parties for hosting and marshmallows for roasting, and there’s an epoch gulf between scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases long, long agoooo.

Plus, there are only so many Christmas songs. Just because Bing Crosby sings it one hour and Clay Aiken sings it the next, does not hide the fact that they are the same song being played within 60 minutes of each other. And… there’s a reason why some songs don’t have any covers. If I have to hear George Michaels singing “Last Christmas, you gave me your heart,” one more time, I might be sick. And don’t even get me started on the one that truly is just terrible, “It’s Christmas Eve in Washington .” Who thinks that’s a good song? It’s terrible!

There are some great Christmas songs though and I do like having the option to listen to Christmas music on the radio. My favorite Christmas songs though, I think are the two Christmas CD’s we listen to, Ray Charles Christmas and some jazz trio’s Jazzy Christmas.

Giving Thanks to... Groupon

Dear Groupon,

Like jell-o and the stock market, I have no idea how you work but I like you very much. Today, I was able to attend two great events that I would not have attended had it not been for the amazing deals I found on your website.

We had wanted to attend the Sugarloaf Crafts Festival, but I believe your deal made it happen, as it was a bit of a drive for us. We ended up finding quite a bit of stuff that we plan to hang on the walls of our new home.

And then, we got to see the Fairfax Symphony Orchestra for $20 off a ticket! It was a lot of fun, with the first and last songs being wonderful, and the song in the middle being so God-awful that I will remember it as long as I live. Your impact was evident at the symphony, as there was a line of folks with their printed receipts waiting to collect their tickets.

All in all good job, and I look forward to finding more great opportunities.

Thanks again and Happy Thanksgiving,
John Duffy

Giving Thanks to... Glory Days Grill

Dear Glory Days Grill,

Just wanted to say thank you for your excellent promotion that you are running with the Washington Capitals. I’m not a big hockey fan, but I got to go to a game recently for the first time and had an amazing time. The Caps won the game 6-4.

With the game tied 4-4, the arena erupted when John Erskine powered a shot in from the blue line to give the Caps the lead. Everyone went crazy. It was awesome. What made it even better, with this fifth goal, was the message of FREE WINGS that flashed on the scoreboards. FREE WINGS! FREE WINGS!

Well, tonight, my wife and I went to your restaurant in Gainesville , VA to redeem our free wings, and they were delicious. We both chose your signature sauce, and we both loved them. We will definitely be headed your way next time we get a hankering for some chicken wings.

Our waitress, whose name I don’t remember, was awesome, by the way. She advised me not to try a hoppsier beer, because it’s too hoppsy, which I appreciate. Oh, and my meal was excellent too, but after the free wings, a Mac’N’Cheese Burger is a lot of burger.

Happy Thanksgiving!
John Duffy

And thanks again goes to Merrifield Garden Center … it’s the gift that keeps on giving!

Giving Thanks to... Gwyneth Paltrow

Dear Gwyneth Paltrow,

I never knew my wife was such a fan of yours until recently. With my wife’s insistence, I found myself watching all of the Country Music Awards last week and an episode of Glee, due to your appearance on both shows. I thought both were surprisingly fun to watch. I wanted to thank you for re-introducing me to country and for introducing me to that Cee-Lo Green song, which cracks me up.

I’m not much of a country fan, but your performance on the CMA’s was excellent, and I look forward to your upcoming movie. I actually liked a lot of the music that night, and programmed one of the buttons on my car radio to a country station. Country music can be a lot of fun, and when you haven’t heard any in a long time, it’s even better.

I’ve never watched a full episode of Glee. I kind of like the song and dance but the rest of the show is a little too much. The show did make me laugh, especially the line “You smell homeless.” I really liked the first song you sang though, and a good song can’t be beat. I looked it up and I love it.

Thanks for everything and keep on surprising me,
John Duffy

As for Cee-Lo's video... prepared to be blown away... for those who care, I went with the radio edit version, just because. The name of the song is not actually "Forget You."

Giving Thanks to... Merrifield Garden Center

Last night I got to go to a Capitals hockey game, so my thank you is warranted and therefore pretty easy. We even made a video saying thanks:

Dear Merrifield Garden Center,

My wife and I were lucky enough to have our names pulled from a drawing of yours where we won tickets to a Capitals game. We went last night to watch them beat the Atlanta Thrashers, 6-4. It was awesome.

For both of us, it was our first hockey game, and it made a fan out of both of us. We spent awhile trying to figure out all the rules, which I’m not sure we ever did, but it was easy enough to know when to cheer, which we were lucky enough to do throughout the game.

All-in-all, we had an amazing time and just wanted to say thank you for giving us the opportunity. We discovered your store (in Gainesville ) only recently and have become fans of you as well. We got three mums from you guys that are making the two we got at Lowe’s look bad… we’ve moved them behind yours.

Can’t thank you enough,
John Duffy

Here’s another video.  This one's of the second goal, which Tiff was able to catch on video… she doesn’t video throughout these events, but after a DC United goal and Redskins touchdown and having the camera ready for this, it’s clear that she has a talent for it.

Giving Thanks to... Josh

I haven’t quite established the rules for this month of thanks giving, so I’m a little unsure who to thank. I’m hoping that once the “who” is identified the question of “how” will work itself out, because so far, it all feels a little awkward. My one rule of thanking someone every day hasn’t exactly been followed, which oddly makes it even harder to write a thank you.

Part of the problem is that I don’t want to get too personal. A lot of days the people who I have the most reason to thank are friends or coworkers who I don’t feel comfortable writing about on the internet. Plus, “Hey thanks for helping me out back there; I really owe you one” isn’t always thank-you-note worthy and would just create an odd working relationship. I would become the weird guy who writes thank you notes, which is fine among family and friends, but colleagues is a different story.

I had visions of writing thank yous to famous people, but at what point does a thank you just become basic fan mail, and I feel like I’m too old for fan mail. “Hey thanks for making that really cool movie.” It would be neat to collect folks autographs though. Somebody in my family tree did that several generations back and amassed the signatures of lots of people who I mostly don’t know but included Sam Houston and President Zachary Taylor. I think it was Taylor . Anyways, that’s a different task all together though, and didn’t require any thanks.

I had a friend growing up who became an eagle scout and he invited all these famous people to his eagle scout ceremony. I remember him getting an autographed picture from Charlton Heston and thinking “Hey, it’s Ben Hur!”

Maybe I should be thanking people like my old friends who I’ve lost touch with over the years and just say, “It sucks we’ve grown apart. Thanks for all the great memories.” Sure it would sound a bit like a yearbook entry, but this time I’d mean it.

All that being said, I may have to search for an address on this one, but:

Dear Josh,

Hey man, it’s John Duffy! I got to thinking about you today and felt compelled to write to see how you are doing. I don’t think we’ve seen each other for some ten or so years, pretty crazy eh? It sucks that we grew apart. I know we had some great laughs back in the day and, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I just wanted to say thanks for all the good times growing up.

...

Anyways, I hope you and your family are doing well,

John Duffy

The actual letter included more, but you get the basic idea.

Giving Thanks to... Timothy

Is it too early to thank my own stupidity?  Here is a picture of my finger:

That white stuff is a hunk of skin.

This morning I woke up and thought an apple would be the perfect start to my day.  It was not, as it turns out.  The carnage that followed was of my own stupidity, although a deceivingly sharp apple slicer (corer?) played a part in it.  I'm counting on Neosporin working as advertised.  As far as thanking folks, there are lots of people to thank on this Veteran's Day, but I'm going to have to write my thank you to Timothy.

This being a holiday for me but not for my wife, I had grand visions of a three course meal with a tablecloth and the whole works.  My plans changed a bit after slicing my finger open and I ended up dilly-dallying the whole day away.  When Tiffany got home there was nothing on the stove and no candle-lit dinner.  So, thirty minutes later, Timothy appeared on my doorstep with Domino's.

Dear Domino's Timothy,

Thank you for your prompt delivery.  I had just asked my wife how long did the internet say it would be when the doorbell rang.  It was perfect timing!  The Domino's on-line ordering is great by the way.  I love the new sound effects.  That rocker can really wail!  They gave my wife and I a good laugh. 

Keep up the good work!

Rock on!

John Duffy

"Your pizza is in the oveeeeeen, and is getting hot, HOT, HOT!!"

Giving Thanks to... Hilton Hotels

I don’t want to dwell on my rather uneventful stay at the Hilton Hotel in Virginia Beach , but today, they sent me an email thanking me for my stay. This email had all the warmth and sincerity of any automated message, but I figure it is kind of them, even if it’s just an attempt to win my business in the future.

I really didn’t do much to be thanked. My last few posts have not been anything to thank me over. In fact, if anything, I feel a bit bad for criticizing, however little that was criticizing.  Plus,  I was their guest; I should be thanking them!! So here’s a little note I wrote, doing just that:

Dear Hilton Virginia Beach Oceanfront,

Last week I had the good fortune to stay at your hotel for three nights. I had a wonderful experience. Everyone I spoke to was incredibly kind and more than helpful, answering any question that I had.

My stay was the result of a conference that was being held at your hotel. It wasn’t the most exciting conference, but the accommodations were wonderful… and the chocolate chip cookies were delicious!

All-in-all, I just wanted to say thanks for a job well done!

Sincerely and Happy Thanksgiving!
John Duffy

I’m not sure how I feel about sending this out. It seems unnecessary to say the least, but I’m sealing it up, and dropping it in the mailbox. It’s time I start appreciating things a bit and what better time to say thanks than with Thanksgiving right around the corner.

That’s why, after some deliberation, I’m going to make a go of giving thanks, lots of thanks. So, with the ulterior motive of drawing millions of people to my blog, I plan on giving thanks to someone… anyone, everyday at least till the end of the month. I’m getting a late start, so I feel like I should go longer, but I’m not committing myself to that.  I kind of feel like I might be biting off more than I can chew as it is, but we'll see!  So, be sure to tune in tomorrow, who knows who I'll be thanking... I certainly don't.

In other news, I wore a tie to work on Monday. Nobody batted an eye.

Hotelevision

Growing up, I didn't get to stay in a hotel very often.  When I did, it was usually just a sleepover stay on a long car ride, but even still, it was always a bit exciting.  In my head, one of the more exciting things about it was always the television - albeit perhaps that is just because it fits with this post.

At home as a kid, we had four or five channels that came in pretty well and then another two or three that were fuzzy or came in sometimes. Judging by the amount of TV that I watched, it was all I needed and more.  In elementary school, for example, I could recite, word for word, entire Looney Tunes cartoons.  I remember performing Muscle Tussle as part of a class assignment.  This wouldn't be nearly as impressive today, given the internet.

Hotels though offered something truly spectacular for television-loving kids like me, cable television.  Truthfully, I only remember the USA network and TNT, both of which played different cartoons than those that I was used to.  But I am sure that it offered the regular slew of channels that were around back then: CNN, the Weather Channel, ESPN, MTV, and... we're there others?  WGN, Chicago's "Superstation".

I keep getting off topic, but growing up in Atlanta, TBS, Atlanta's "Superstation" was broadcast for free, so I didn't think it was anything special until much later in life.

Then as I grew older, a good hotel separated itself among the pack by having HBO!  This was something beyond spectacular.  People swore on HBO!  There was a chance that you could catch a brief glimpse of nudity!  Talk about great!

The point is, though, hotels once used television as an amenity meant to put it ahead of the competition.  As a result, hotels far outshone the home entertainment of what I was used to.  Staying at a nice hotel this past week, I learned that this is no longer the case. 

HD has become the standard in television, and it seems like it's been around for a long, long time.  Long enough for a hotel as well-respected as Hilton to jump on the bandwagon.  I actually just made the switch myself a few months ago.  I didn't realize how much of a difference it would make, particularly with sports.  I generally don't think of myself as a snob, particularly when it comes to technology, but this lack of HD annoyed me a surprising amount.

I grew to accept the standard definition-ness world being broadcast to me pretty quickly though, but one thing I never grew accustomed to was a little television innovation known as the guide.  You can scroll through to see what's on now or anytime in the next week.  I love it and use it like I love it, and not having it this past week was just plain annoying.  It's five minutes to the hour, what can I watch next? I don't know... and by the time the next round of shows start it takes five minutes going through all the channels to see what's on, by which point you've lost the beginning of any show you decide on.  Frustrating.

I suppose television innovation has become not only a rapidly transforming thing, but also one that people tend to apply to their homes so it loses its allure a bit in hotels.  Hotels, as a result, have turned to other upgrades and features to draw in their clientele, like Murphy beds and double-headed showers.

Or perhaps, the hotel is just trying to subtly suggest, "Hey, get out of the hotel room for a while."

The Shower Head

I was lucky enough to spend a couple of days at a Hilton oceanside hotel. I felt very high class. There are a couple of strange things about the place though, not least among them was that my bed was a Murphy bed.  It was downthe whole time, and now I'm regretting not having put it away just to see what it's like.

All the comfort of an upscale futon!

This picture is actually from Wikipedia.  I didn't see any instructions on the actual bed, but even if I had, I couldn't have taken a picture myself as I haven't entered the BlogCamEra, just yet.  Maybe a newer phone with a camera in it would be nice.

There was one thing that I thought was so odd that, without camera, I had to draw a picture of it to help explain it.  Here's a drawing of the hotel shower.

La-la-laaa!

Do you see anything strange about this picture?  Why yes, my bellybutton is lower - but that's not what I'm talking about.  My hotel room shower had a double shower head.  I'm not sure what for.  My guess is to get extra clean.

Actually, here is my guess as to how it came to be.  The scene is a skinny-tied hotelier and a wide-tied builder:

Hotelier (dreaming of a two-person shower, with a shower head on either side): I just heard of the next big thing.  Picture this: TWO shower heads in every shower... in every room... in every one of our hotels!

Builder: I don't know, boss, that just seems strange.  Seems to me that showers are just fine with just the one shower head.

H: No, this... this is going to be huge!  I'm telling you, people love their upgrades.  Someday, every house in America will have two shower heads.  It's going to be great!

B:  If you say so, boss.

H: You didn't believe me when I said the Murphy bed is back and now look at it.  People have all that extra hotel room space with just a little lift of their bed!

B:  A truer statement has never been said, boss.

H: How much extra are we talking about here to install a second shower head?

B: I don't know, $50 extra bucks or so.

H: You can do it for that cheap! Let's do this!  We'll be world-renowned for our showers with TWO shower heads!  I can see it now!  The waiting list for one of our rooms will be months. 

B: You're the boss, boss. Two-headed showers, coming up.

In my head that was two lines of dialogue.  I kind of get carried away.

Making Money

That last post reminds me, I finally got ads up on my YouTube videos! The delay was the result of user error… I’m going to blame my intern Jeff. It started counting last Thursday and I’ve already made over a dollar!

That being said, here they are… please study them closely, over and over, as many times as you need to:

On to November

October was a lot of fun. I posted more last month than ever, which is something I’m oddly proud of. Granted, not too many of the posts were earth-shatteringly brilliant, but aside from wearing a tie everyday, I posted everyday, which is an accomplishment in and of itself.

I believe my wife came to resent the challenge a bit. Lost was the line “hey, Honey! I’m home!” replaced by the ever-so cordial, “hey, do you have the camera? Let’s take the picture so I can take this thing off.” I think that any future tie-wearing days will include a loosened-tie commute home.

Unfortunately, it’s now back to regular blogging. As the campaign signs along my tie-wearing commute have reminded me, with a sense of unintended doom, “November is coming.” I’ve spent a lot of the past month fearing the impending November, as I felt I needed another challenge, or gimmick, to carry me through the next month. I’ve had several ideas of what could be done, from eating oatmeal for breakfast each day to 5-minute showers to wearing a hat, but none of them really excite me. The tie-wearing campaign allowed for easy posts and public displays of commitment, which it seems, should be a stipulation for such challenges.

The daily post is something to strive for though. I don’t it will continue for long – in fact, I’ll be out of town the rest of the week – but it does give me something to shoot for.

I mean dang, not only was last month my active month posting, I also earned more money last month through Google AdSense than ever before. In fact, last month I doubled my revenue… to $18! A few more bucks and I’ll earn enough for a sale-priced new tie!

Not Wearing Ties

After wearing a tie everyday for a month, today I returned to work a bit more casual.

My neck is cold.



Yes, Tietober is over but the memories will last a lifetime. At times, I hated having to put a tie on or having something tight around my neck, but more often than not, I liked looking spiffy.

I don’t think people treated me any different, except maybe some of the older ladies who I think just thought I looked cute… which I did, as always. I’m not sure if I learned anything or came to any realization, perhaps because I wasn’t looking for anything like that. As I said though, I did come to enjoy wearing ties and will likely choose to wear a tie to work in the future.

In fact, this past Friday, I ran into something of a dilemma. Kohl’s was having a big sale, so the wife and I went to check out the deals. As I was walking through the men’s clothes, I realized that I wasn’t sure what my style of clothes was. I had worn ties so long that I was leaning toward the nicer looking shirts and even spent some time looking at the ties – all of which looked much more impressive than any that I own; I don’t think I wore a true Power Tie once!

After deciding to pass on everything as a result of this dilemma, the wife encouraged me to get something, so I ended up with a dressy shirt ready to button at the neck. I spent a month wearing ties just for something to do. Now that the month’s up, I’m planning my wardrobe around the knotted accessories.

Wearing Ties: Day 31!

 It's the last day of my tie wearing campaign.  As sad as that thought is, at least I still have today.  Plus, today is Halloween which is fun.  So this picture is me in my Halloween costume... any guesses as to what I am?

If you guessed mild-mannered reporter, you'd be right!  But wait, is that all I am for Halloween?  Here are some more pictures, as captured by my uber-talented photographer of a wife!

The hat-toss even has mild-mannered suspicion.

Was that danger I heard in the distance?  This looks like a job for...

Superman!!

Up, up, and away!

I had to put my serious face on for at least one heroic Clark Kent picture.

Happy Halloween everybody!

Wearing Ties: Day 30

I'm eating a meatball... er, um an Eyeball.

 So unfortunately we were experiencing some camera battery issues, so this wonderful picture is the only one that we got of me today.  Truthfully, I didn't go anywhere today, so I only wore the tie about as long as the camera worked.

For dinner, we made a Halloween feast!  Sort of.  It's a little something that Tiff and I have dubbed, Earthworms and Eyeballs... with a piece of bread... and a glass of Phantom wine.  Mmmmm... mmm.

Wearing Ties: Day 29

This is me smiling with my mouth closed.

Today's my last day of work with a tie on... or at least where I'm obligated to wear a tie.  This was one of my original ties.  I've never worn it before but I really like it... it's textured.  Two more days to go!

DC United, Here's to Next Year

With Halloween coming up, it is time to reflect on one of the scariest things of all… how bad my local sports team was this past year. DC United’s season is mercifully over. They did not do very well. After breaking several undesirable records (21 goals in 32 games is not good, even by soccer’s low-scoring standards), it is time to officially look to the eternal promise of next year. About the only positive I can take away from this dismal season is that, even with the team at their worst, I am still a fan.

While I’ve always had some interest, I’ve followed the team religiously for just two years now, checking daily updates and frustrating my family and friends with talk of theories and wild speculation of what the team should do. At night, my wife will ask a surprisingly insightful question or two about DC United when she can’t sleep; as she drifts off to sleep, I am left wide awake for hours, with my brain in overdrive processing potential lineup changes or possible stadium locations. For the record, I’d like to see a 4-3-2-1 formation and believe the stadium should be within the District.

While I’ve heard ad nauseum of the once mighty and dominant DC United of yesteryear, these past two years have seen the team fall from “not-the-best” to “arguably-the-worst-in-league-history.” It has been hard to witness, but I haven’t been able to stop watching, painful loss after painful loss. By now, the excitement of taking the lead in a game is tempered by the unmistakable sense that it won’t last long.

Many might be repelled by this disastrous team with seemingly no direction, but as for me, I feel invested. I feel like my faith and support in the team over this low-period will be repaid, ten-fold, come next year. Yep, next year it will all click together.

How Not to Get a Flu Shot

As promised, I have a story from Tuesday, and this is it. Let me begin by saying that Tuesday was a mess. It was a walk-through-spider-webs, blisters-forming-on-my-feet, step-in-dog-pooh type of day. I should have seen it coming pretty early though as, first-thing Tuesday morning, I got my annual flu shot.

Flu shots in the past have been relatively simple. They are always quick and usually harmless. This year, I was encouraged to get the nasal spray, or Live, Attenuated Influenza Vaccine. I guess if you’re of a certain age and health this is the preferred way, although I’d like to think that my astounding physique and dreamy good looks help in all decisions about me being made. The certain age by the way: 2-49. I’m pretty sure I’m somewhere in there. And the certain health: not sick. That’s pretty much the extent of it.

I however was not looking forward to the spray. The main reason for this is that I’ve never had it and I don’t like change, but if you were to ask me why, I’d probably come up with some answer that conjures up images of a James Dean character standing on the side of an empty road with some forlorn expression. And then I’d sum it all up saying, “John Duffy doesn’t do sprays.”

As I filled out my forms, however, I was instructed to get the spray, and I didn’t argue. It had occurred to me that being dressed in shirt and tie for my month-long tie campaign might make my shoulder tricky to get to, so I was willing to swallow my pride and inhale the Live, Attenuated Influenza Virus.

When I got back to the nurse, though, she asked, “Left or right?” She had a thick accent, and when I said something like, “I’m going right up the middle; give me the spray,” she didn’t seem to understand. “Right? No… left, right?” she continued in broken English and started unbuttoning the cuff of my shirt. At this point, I was just confused and helplessly stood in silence, trying to get out the word, “Spray,” so that she’d understand.

She rolled up my sleeve as best she could and then said “No, not enough,” and pointed to my shoulder. Then she started unbuttoning my shirt. Befuddled I began helping her unbutton my shirt. Then I untucked it thinking that I would have to take off the whole shirt to gain access to the sweet spot, but the nurse quickly slapped my hand away. “No,” she said, “you do tie.”

By this point, three or four people had sat next to me and were quickly poked with the needle and were sent on their way, briefly witnessing this bizarre scene unfold. As I undid my tie, again I was scolded. “No,” and she pulled my shirt back and gave me the shot before I knew what had happened. I had just gotten my tie undone.

Then it was all done. I said thank you and got up to leave, but the kind nurse, said “No.” She started buttoning my shirt up for me. As I insisted that I could button my own shirt, she said in what seemed like frustrated apology, “I get this. You get tie.” I’m not sure what I said, but I am pretty sure it was something like, “I can do both.” I am pretty amazing afterall.

In the end, I buttoned my shirt, tied my tie, and even unbuckled and unbuttoned my pants to tuck in my shirt as I walked through the parking lot to my car. I’m not sure who was more embarrassed by the situation. It was definitely awkward for me, but I got to run and hide afterwards, laughing with my coworkers about it.  I feel bad for her who, I'm going to assume judged me by the impressive tie of white, yellow, and blue snowflakes.

Wearing Ties: Day 28

Whoa!  What is going on with my belly in this picture?  It looks like I need to go on a diet... a diet of bread and wasabi dressing!  Yesterday, after it was clear that I wouldn't have to kill my cat, I had some extra time, so I made some bread.  It is delicious, especially with some wasabi olive oil.  I finally found what puts the hot in hot mustard, because this stuff will clear out your sinuses. 

I got it at the Merrifield Garden Center, along with the Phantom wine that I got a while back.  I just found out that Tiff had entered a drawing, because we won something!  Woo-hoo!  I have to call tomorrow to claim my prize!  ... I wonder what it is...

Wearing Ties: Day 27

It was a warm day, and I needed a book.

I did not go to work today, so I could get away wearing shorts and flip-flops.  I spent the morning at the vet with a cat with a giant bladder.  Things are looking good now though, including me.

Wearing Ties: Day 26

Today's tie deserves a close-up.  It is absolutely beautiful.  Between the yellow, blue, and white large snowflakes, the green background, and the large print JC Penny tag on the back that looks like it's from the early 60's, I'm not sure what my favorite part of this wonderful tie is.  I think it must be the total package. 

I have a story involving this tie, but I think I need to let it percolate a bit before I tell it.  Maybe tomorrow.

Wearing Ties: Day 25

I look kind of silly in this picture.  I look kind of like a munchkin, but it was the best picture of the tie and that's really what this challenge is all about.  So take a close look at the swirling beauty it beholds.  I also wanted to get a picture of the great outdoors.  Today was absolutely beautiful.  The leaves are all sorts of bright colors, so I'm guessing that in 72 hours all the branches will be bare.  Such is life.

If you zoom in close enough to this picture you can see that I have something stuck in my teeth!  How long's that been there!?!

The Great Jack-O-Lantern Debate

I'm going to begin with a tale from last year.  It was an early afternoon on a Saturday in late October.  I had waited until Halloween to buy a pumpkin, and - surprise, surprise - I couldn't find any for sale.  This year, proving that I learn from my mistakes, I bought two pumpkins about a month ago.  This weekend, a full week before Halloween, my wife and I sharpened up our spooky carving knives and channeled our pumpkin creativity.  With two pumpkins to choose from, an unannounced competition ensues.  Here are the two entries:

From left to right: the potential loser and the potential winner.

For purposes of impartiality, I will not say who carved which pumpkin. Let's take a closer look at them, shall we? 

Trick-or-treat.

Our first entry is a larger, classically cut pumpkin lit with a normal flashlight.  It has cleverly designed uneven ovals for eyes and a predictable triangle for a nose.  The familiar grin of the jack-o-lantern makes this pumpkin a fan favorite.

Our second entry is a refreshingly out-of-the-box take on the Halloween tradition.

Knock. Knock. It's Halloween.

This jack-o-lantern noticeably is lit by a green, life-saving LED flashlight that promises over 200 hours of light, well beyond the typical flashlight.  This means it will haunt your doorstep longer.  It's face is hauntingly square.  The creator admits, "when I began I had Frankenstein in mind.  It turned out a bit different but I couldn't be happier." The harsh angles and lack of precision of the finer features hint that this pumpkin was carved with a knife that was much too large for the pumpkin, making the end result all the more impressive.  The pumpkin is dominated by the large tie below the face.  It will surely be the template for future generations of pumpkin carvers.

So which is your favorite? As if I have to ask.

Wearing Ties: Day 24

 Today was an absolutely beautiful day.  My wife and I drove through the Virginia countryside, stopping in Culpeper, Virginia at the MinuteMan MiniMall.  It's pretty cool.  They rent out spaces where you can sell anything you want.  There were a lot of antiques and art and jellies and jams.  There were some cool tin signs and giant globe that I wanted to take home.  I finally learned what a buggy wrench is, and in the picture of me, I found a butter churner.

We went because my mother-in-law rented out a space, that you can see in the picture below.  She's selling mostly stuff that she finds at yard sales, and after just one week, she started making a profit.  At times, it's like a fancy flea market, but it is surprisingly cool... and enormous; Tiff and I got lost in there looking around.

By the way, how's my haircut look?

More YouTube Comments

Yesterday, I got a bit upset about some certain comments made to a certain YouTube video. But the number of views still wows me. My newest video, which I made for my FAQ’s section, is tallying up hits pretty quickly, too:

Within a couple of days, my Holding My Breath video already had about two dozen hits. I was kind of excited about it. Then I got a strange message, not just a comment, that included this request:

I was wondering if you wouldn't mind making a video of you taking in a deep breath and blow up your cheeks as big as you can like a blowfish and try to talk and see how long you can do it for. You don't have to hold your breath just blow up your cheeks as big as you can and try to talk. Or if that's too hard, just make a video of you blowing up your cheeks as big as you can and see how long you could hold it for.

This was indeed a strange request that had me playing with my face for a few minutes. I don’t think it’s possible for me to talk with puffed up cheeks and I don’t have much interest in trying to break any records just puffing out my cheeks, unless…

I’ve heard about people who do really weird things for money. I think it is part of the dark side of the internet. Actually sometimes, like in an episode of the United States of Tara, it’s for items off a wishlist. It would be nice to have a wishlist, especially as Christmas approaches. So, if this takes off, it could be a regular feature, and maybe I could get that coat I’ve had my eye on. So Rabodon, this is for you:

I follow my audience.

UPDATE: Wow... not thirty minutes after posting the video,  Rabodon sent me another message congatulating me on the video.  Among the things he said, "...that's the best one yet..." and "5 stars".  Woo-hoo!

Wearing Ties: Day 23

This is how I spent my Saturday night.  A trip to Super Target.  When the month began, I was very aware of everyone and everything on these little excursions.  Now, even in a ridiculous tie, I don't think twice about it.  It's great.  Anyways, onward with my Saturday night.  In this second picture (yes, it's a two picture night) you can see the tie clearly as I'm carving my pumpkin.

Grapes and leaves.  That's what's on this tie... grapes and leaves.  It inspired me to open a bottle of wine. Today's selection was a Syrah from California called Orleans Hill.  My wife wasn't a huge fan, but I certainly enjoyed it.

As for my jack-o-lantern, I'm thinking the big reveal will be tomorrow.  Tune in next time!

Video Killed The Internet Star

My YouTube videos are cruising along, picking up hits. My Coin Pusher video is now close to 32,000 views; that is more than the entire population of the town I live in. Crazy!

Every now and then, I’ll get a comment, too! Usually this is a tip on how to beat it, or the startling suggestion that the carnival game is somehow rigged(!). Recently, those comments have taken a strange turn. Here’s what P45KAL had to say last month:

Hey cool story bro now go fix them teeth =]

Whoa, low blow, dude! I know, I know, I have large teeth. Like the Big Bad Wolf, however, I carry a certain amount of pride in maintaining these extra large shiny pearls. They are beautifully large. They have personality. And I do not feel the need to “fix them” nor did my dentist growing up. In fact, if anything, I’m hoping to donate them to the Smithsonian Institution upon my passing where they will be on display beside a picture of the lake where I eat lunch often. There will be a plaque that reads, “With these teeth, John Duffy ate lunch often.” And no, P45KAL, if that’s really your name, your sorry excuse for an internet smile does not excuse this unnecessary attack on my dental physique. =]!

Truthfully, I brushed this harsh comment off without much consideration until this week, when Jazzie646 came at me with this:

Maybe you can use that money to fix your teeth!

Egad! Et tu, Jazzie646? My enthusiastic smile of gargantuan proportions will not stand for this! I brush everyday and floss when I’m bored, what more could I possibly do? I hate the dentist as much as anyone, with good reason, as I have explained in the past:

Yes, IHD. But you imply that my teeth have fundamental problems that no dentist alone can fix. Perhaps every nickel and dime I come across should be saved until I can surgically repair my hideous teeth! Then, perhaps, I can rejoin society, show my face again in public, and be ready for my close-up. Only then can I be truly loved by the likes of P45KAL and Jazzie646. Only then can be a true internet star.

Wearing Ties: Day 22

Friday!  Today's tie is Italian crafted by Dona/Dona.  For some reason it was concave bending instead of converse... or something like that.  The outer edges stuck out.  I spent much of the day holding it flat.  It's the first time using the shirt, and I think it looks great.  All-in-all it was a great day, except I ordered the wrong toppings on my pizza.  I got pizza from Domino's.  I had grand visions of befriending the guy taking my order in the first few lines of our conversation and then convincing him to name the order, Man Wearing Ties.  But, the guy was just a nervous kid and the phones were ringing constantly, so I just put it in for John.  Maybe next time.

Next door to Domino's is a dry-cleaner's.  $1.45 per shirt... hmmm.  That may be worth it come November.

Wearing Ties: Day 21

This is one of my favorite ties that I've acquired this month.  It's not silky and shiny and it has a definite 1972 vibe.  I feel like I should be working for NASA with this tie.  Oh, if this tie could talk! 

Wearing Ties: Day Twenty

There were many attempts in the taking of this picture.  None of them were any good.  Today I wore a dark shirt with a light tie.  It felt very strange. 

Wearing Ties: Day 19

I wrote a blog post today that was not about my tie!  Today's tie is blue with pink lines!  Blue!  With Pink Lines!  I got it from my coworker Cindy!  Thanks, Cindy!

Missed Opportun... wait, Line!

Every now and then, it seems life is throwing things at you, and I don’t mean shoes or books. I mean chances and opportunities. Lights appear and bells go off. Windows and doors open, and everything around you is leading you to your next move with neon lights and airport runway attendants. When this happens, you follow the signs and, however slight or grand, your life is changed forever.

And every now and then, the world opens up, the chance is there, and before you know it, it’s gone, just like that. This past Friday was one of those times.

I got to go to a play on Friday put on by the community theater. I have been to a handful of these plays the past few years and they are always fun. This time out, we saw Little Shop of Horrors, which is a goofy musical. It was great.

Friday’s show was the premiere of the whole production season, so the little playhouse was packed full of 200 or so of theater aficionados. Good thing I was wearing my sweater vest!

I hate sitting next to strangers, but as I took my seat before the show, I was startled by the old man beside me, whom I recognized. He was in the last play we attended!, he was the star!, what was the name of that play, he was really good, I remember he had a role on a few episodes of The Wire, what was the name of that play, he was really good, I should say something. My mind raced.

My wife’s aunt sat on my opposite side and leaned forward to address the man. “You were in You Can’t Take It With You, right?” You Can’t Take It With You… that was it! She said something nice and then leaned back in her seat. I was up. This was it. I repeated the praise that I had just heard and then reveled in how cool it was that I was seated right next to him.

As I wondered of all the stories he must have of acting and community theater and his bit for HBO, he was idly staring off into space. It dawned on me that a conversation was ripe for the taking. I cleared my throat and attempted to say something, ask about the next show, how often he’s involved, or maybe just say that I’m looking forward to the show. But before I could say anything, his bag dropped from his lap to the floor.

I muttered and sputtered, asking him if he was okay, and he returned from straightening his bag with a book in his hand, a screenplay really, The Twilight of the Golds, which I know absolutely nothing about. He immediately opened it and began rehearsing silently with sweeping arm movement and frequent line-checking. All this time, I just sat dumbly. I didn’t say a word. I didn’t turn away. I just stared straight ahead and watched the actor act from the corner of my eye.

I’m not sure what would have become from a simple conversation with this man whose name I don’t even know. Maybe it would have led me to acting in the upcoming production, It’s A Wonderful Life, where I would have been discovered by a talent scout looking to cast members in an updated version of the movie. I could finally get the notoriety that I so desperately seek, and maybe I could bump my hit totals up and I could then hire a roving reporter! All from a simple conversation that was laid out before me.

Can't you just see that guy in the picture (no not me - the other guy!) playing the part of the greedy Mr. Potter in It's a Wonderful Life?  I look forward to seeing him!

Wearing Ties: Day 18

What a Monday!  I have to take a picture of our newly-hung swing for the homeowner's association.  I think I might send them this picture.  You probably can't see my tie very well, but it has lions on it.  Royal lions if there is such a thing... the kind of lion that's sitting up with it's tongue out and actually doesn't look much like a lion.  It is the first of the father-in-law collection!  Thanks, Jay!