Working for the Weekend

I saw my sister Ann and her kids a week ago now. It was great seeing them. I don't see them enough. It was the last three days of my vacation, and it was the last days of their vacation as well. She made a comment at some point that's been rattling around in my brain. It went something like, ' Yeah, vacations are great, but it's also great getting back to work where, you know, you have responsibilities... and people rely on you...' She has a big important job.

I'm not saying my job isn't important, but I know for a fact that my 'office,' the shelter, would not skip a beat if I went on extended vacation. I know this because staff come and go with the tides, or the stages of the moon, or... you get the idea.

And hey, it's not a bash on the shelter, it's just the way it's set up. It has to be. It has it's reasons. But it does make me wonder if my job is the right job for me. I've been thinking about it for awhile, but now I have new words to play with, like 'do I have important responsibilities? Do people rely on me? Am I happy to be working?' I think I could easily make a strong argument for a resounding yes!; yes, they do!; yes, I am important! yes! But I think it's more about my perception of my job, what my gut is telling me. And my gut's not happy.

My girlfriend says I'm just a discontent individual, which would normally be a strange thing for a girlfriend to be saying. But she says I'm just not happy, and that I'll never be content with my job because I'll never figure out what I truly want. She's so cute when she's analytical.

Here's what I want: I want it to feel good to go to work. I want to be excited to come back from vacation. I want to be part of something grand. I want to lead. ... I want to feel good about my job.

So, anyways, payday just passed and my vacation time is adding up fast, which feels great. Now I just have to figure out where I truly want to go, Mediterranean? New Zealand? Cross Country? Maybe St. Lucia.