Saturday, January 22, 2011

The Wii

This past month has been a big one. Between the Christmas and the New Years and the Martin Luther King Day and the snow days, it is almost easy to overlook my wife’s birthday. It would never be okay to overlook her birthday, but I do see that it is easy for it to get lost in the shuffle. I’m just saying that after a big Christmas of giving and receiving, it is easy to fall into a bit of gift fatigue for the few weeks afterwards.

This gift fatigue is something that true gift-givers can spot early on and prepare for. I, admittedly, may have a lot to learn on this subject, but my in-laws, however, mastered this obstacle this year with the gift of …. A Wii.

Tiff and I went to their place for a birthday celebration where it was revealed soon after we arrived. Then I had roast beef. Tiff had none. And then we talked about Wiiiiiiiii!!, all the way home. (rimshot)

Perhaps I’m about three years too late to write any relevant review, but as far as video game consoles go, the wii is something else. After years of playing video games, I have attained a certain amount of hand-eye coordination. Conversely, I have not developed much, for lack of a better term, other coordination. Call it “body motion fluidity” or “limb placement awareness” or “corpus controllus” or simply “grace;” whatever it is, I don’t have it.

To illustrate: the wii comes with a game where you can play tennis, box, bowl, golf, and even play baseball! I opened it up, pushed in the disc and played up a storm. Then, after I had sufficiently mastered each event, I took on the test your age challenge. I returned serves and hit homeruns and even picked up a couple spares like an old pro. Convinced the wii would indicate that I was the perfect specimen of health, I eagerly pressed ahead to find out my results, which tell you the age your body is performing at… I believe 20 is the best.

I’m 47.

There’s nothing wrong with being 47, except when you are thirty. That’s okay though, I’ll just keep working at it. Maybe my wife can get me something to help me out with my wii age for my birthday.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Not My Fault

It is a new year and all has been quiet here at the Muted Guerrilla. Oh sure, we’ve dressed up our look a bit with a wonderful argyle background, but to our regular readers, there has been precious little to read of late. But you see, there is a perfectly good reason for this. As it turns out, I am incompetent. I’ll admit that I can do lots of things adequately and in fact, I can do some things rather smashingly, but when it comes to the gizmos and gadgets that make up the technology of today it is I that feels smushed.

I have several events from the past month that I want to share. I even have a video of two of them. But in these videos lie my downfall. For I spent over four hours mastering a free video editor that I downloaded from some website and in the end, I had created an award-worthy two-and-a-half minute short film about jumping into the ocean.

As I was preparing my acceptance speech, the video failed to copy onto my computer. I tried seven times and each time it looked good until just after the really hairy guy ran past the camera… I wonder if he had something to do with it. I even went as far as posting the written portion of it; maybe I’ll get the video up some day.

Anyways, maybe I should just stick to what I am good at… writing ad nauseum about whatever I want. And there is plenty to write about these days, but all in good time. For now though, I think I’ve learned something very valuable… don’t try new things. Wait, that’s terrible. How about, when nothing else works… turn to argyle.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Tim Bush, A Man of the People

Tim Bush, today is your day!
Elated Tim (right) receiving the Round Five Prize from an equally elated John Duffy.
Today I can write about nothing but my brother-in-law, Tim Bush who won the honor and prestige of being spotlighted in this hallowed publication in Round Five of a special Duffy edition of the Ticket Tree that took place on December 29th, 2010. The winning bid was a depressingly low $5. People apparently have little interest in having their name and reputation shine, by the words of John Duffy, on the internet in perpetuity. Well, Tim Bush, it is their loss and your gain. I’m going to make you glow bright enough to roast a duck.

As I begin to write this portrait of a true American, I find myself struggling to encapsulate all that is Tim in such a format, and I have to wonder if this assignment would be better served in a six volume encyclopedia set on all the wonders that is Tim Bush, or perhaps an HBO miniseries starring Daniel Day Lewis as Tim Bush would be more appropriate. The subject may even lend itself to a daily newsprint featuring up-to-the-minute information on the man himself, Tim Bush… Oh, man! Tim could have his own blog!

All joking aside, I fear Tim Bush. My fear stems from Tim’s innate ability to seamlessly integrate into a family as wound up as my own. I believe most folks can relate to this experience, and while some do it with loud and boisterous techniques that can be effective, Tim opted for a more laid back approach. For most, it would take years to pull this off. With my own experience in which I’ve adopted a similar strategy, after 8 years it remains a work in progress. Tim however pulled this off in, eh, 14 months.

As my loyal readers could suspect, I carry a certain amount of respect for the era of yesteryear and Tim’s profession screams of this. For Tim Bush, is a shopkeeper. I’m sure there are other terms that might be more suiting, like Gallery Owner, Business Owner, Art Trader, or even Artist in his own right, but with “shopkeeper” Tim can be envisioned by those who don’t know him as wearing a manly apron and a visor, with glasses on his nose and a pencil behind his ear. Plus, I can attest that, much like Tim himself, the River To Sea Gallery is a North Carolina treasure and Wilmington landmark for this generation.

As recently as last month, if you were to ask Tim about himself, the Gallery would not be the first thing mentioned, but instead he would talk about his three wonderful kids – and perhaps their wonderful uncle. They are all truly awesome – especially the uncle – and incredibly lucky to have a guy like Tim as their dad.

Ever since a few weeks ago, if asked about himself, Tim would undoubtedly talk immediately about his time playing America ’s favorite game show, the Ticket Tree! Not only did he win this Round Five prize, but he also won the Grand Prize Round! Here he is accepting his winnings! 
Tim receiving the Grand Prize, a John Duffy original painting, from the Special Duffy Edition of the Ticket Tree.
Despite this cheesey post, Tim's a great guy and should have more days devoted to him... days that don't cost $5.

Saturday, January 01, 2011

The Dolphin Dip

It’s a new year. It’s that time of year where you are left thinking “(insert year) just doesn’t sound right.” 2011 is especially bad as it is neither easy to say nor fun to say. It lacks the crisp sounding “2010” and the poetic “2012.” Therefore we at the Muted Guerrilla are predicting this year to be predictably boring. Because of this dour forecast, it is imperative that we do all that we can to make this year one to remember.

With this in mind, I would like to start off the new year with a bang… or rather a splash. Now, this is my first attempt at combining videos, and it only took me four hours to make.