My Name is Gary Wozniak

My Dad called me yesterday about mid morning. Unfortunately I was asleep. He left me a message though. One of the things he mentioned was that the CIA is hiring. You know something is not right when even your father, fiscally-minded as ever, is encouraging you to look away from your fully-benefited county government job... but I digress...

I think working for the CIA would be one of the coolest jobs ever. I could picture it now, going to formal balls in exotic locations. My cigarette lighter would be a powerful firearm. My shoes would convert my voice into some semaphore code which would be decoded on the other side of the world. My car would shoot beams of molten lava from its headlights... when it wasn't in submarine form of course. And all the while I'd be making so much money that I could hire Quincy Jones and Burt Bacharach to write me a theme song.

For Valentines Day, I unknowingly was selected as a covert operative. Tiff had this elaborate trail of clues, riddles, and puzzles that took a week for me sort my way through... and in the end I got an awesome back massage. Valentine's is great. Over the week, which included a very cool trip to the International Spy Museum here in DC, I had a glimpse of my potential in the clandestine services... that of a bumbling idiot. Yep, when it comes to stealth, disguise, and deceit, I get three big strikes. Strike, strike, and strike.

So while I will definitely take my Dad's advice and check out the CIA jobs available - and take the CIA's advice and not tell anyone which positions I applied for (seriously) - I think I'm more suited to going to DC to learn about spies than to becoming a spy to learn about DC. But it's still fun to dream.

...And I still remember my assigned cover story from when you enter the museum. I'm Gary Wozniak, teacher, age 25, Canadian resident, born in Shaipu(?), New Zealand, visiting the Philippines on business to try and start a student exchange program. I expect my stay will be 90 days. Oh yeah, I'm good... or better yet, Double O-yeah