A few months back, I set a humane trap for the squirrel, Dexter, that lives on my balcony. As you may know, Dexter has done some serious damage to my flower pots, bird feeders, christmas lights, and EVERYTHING else that was on my balcony. I had to bring everything inside so it would not be destroyed. All that remained out there were some ceramic pots (he can't possibly chew through those), a table (no chairs because he can chew through those), and a pile of things in the corner (that I don't care if he chews through and have no room for inside). After this major clean up, I didn't see the squirrel for months. The trap was out there, food was in it, and no squirrel was in sight. I thought I had settled the score and triumphantly declared myself the winner.
Tiffany: Wins/ Dexter: Loses
Fast Forward 3 months.
Last week, the cat was acting weirder than usual. I went to the window and saw the squirrel trying to fight my cat through the glass door. I'm not kidding, fists were raised. It was a little scary. Dexter eventually got bored with the cat and retreated into the pile of stuff in the corner where there was an old chair cushion that I guessed Dexter had been using to keep cozy on chilly nights. Tiffany: 0/ Dexter: 1
The next day I bought a big jar of peanuts. I put some in the trap, thinking "AHA! I've got you now, Squirrel!" I waited. And waited. I left the window for 5 minutes to get a glass of water. When I returned... the peanuts were gone. And no squirrel was in sight or in the trap.
Tiffany: 0/ Dexter: 2
Now, I realized with the score looking like that, I should step up my game. Turn up the heat. Show this squirrel what he's dealing with. So a few days later I watched as Dexter took off down the building to find some food. I put on my gloves and got a trash bag and went outside to dismantle the pile in the corner and even up the score.
I went straight for the old cushion, which Dexter had chewed into thousands of pieces. I picked it up and thought... "hmm that's heavy for a half-eaten cushion"... and then it started to move. Babies. Baby squirrels. So I went inside and got my camera and took some cute little baby squirrel pictures. 
UNTIL one little baby freaked out and ran to the other side of the balcony. There was nothing I could do. I tried to move toward the railings so the little guy would run back to his nest, but he was too scared. He held on the ledge with two feet and screeched for his momma (Dexter is a she I guess) and then, after some hesitation, jumped off the balcony. And it's a long way down, folks. It hit and bounced and sat 
there for a while.
there for a while.Tiffany: 0/ Dexterina: 3
So I ran inside and got a shoebox and went down four flights to find it... When I got down there, it was gone. I looked for a half an hour.... In pajamas, gloves and with a shoebox right in front of a busy major road. I spent the rest of the day feeling horrible that I'd caused the baby to jump to it's possible death. I imagined it lost and cold and hungry, never able to find it's mom & siblings again...
Tiffany: 0/ Dexterina: 3 + major guilt factor points
Later that night I was watching Smallville with John and I heard a faint screech.... the same screech as before.... and I asked myself... WWCKD? (Which of course stands for What Would Clark Kent Do?) And I knew what I had to do. So I got my shoebox and ran downstairs... and I found the little guy hidden under the basement level stairs. I slid under the nasty stairwell and tried to get him... he ran to the other stairwell... So I slid under that one. After repeating this process 5 times, I finally caught him. I returned him to my balcony and Dexterina quickly came out to get him. His little nose was bloody, but he could still run, so I'm guessing he's going to be okay.
I forfeit. I'm laying my armor down. The Squirrel has successfully aquired herself a safe winter hiding place, and I will never again question who is more clever. Not only did Dexterina win the war, she also managed to make me genuinely interested in squirrels. If you want to see some cute little squirrels for yourself, I found a squirrel webcam website where you can see just how cute they are 24 hours a day...
Final Score::: Tiffany: Big Loser/ Dexterina: Winner.
No comments:
Post a Comment