Out for a Stroll

One unexpected advantage of becoming a father is that I can now walk aimlessly around my neighborhood. I don’t need to powerwalk or even wear work-out clothes. There is no need to look good or appear as though I am headed toward some predetermined destination. No, by just pushing a stroller, I can finally amble around my neighborhood, in my pajamas, spying on all my neighbors.

All in all, I am impressed with the majority of my neighbors and, in a complete 180°, have come to appreciate the ones who display their holiday spirit. The holiday ghosts and ghouls of autumn are out in full force by now and our dangling twelve inch witch can’t quite compete. That might be something to work on in the coming years.

There is one thing that almost all my neighbors do that irks me. In truth, it is something that irks me equally when I do not do it. Please click on to learn of this irksome behavior.

Growing up, my Dad told us kids that it was against the law to leave your trash cans out over night. This is the same man who claimed that Canadians have purple feet, so I have reason to be suspicious of his dubious trash can legal talk. That being said, in my neighborhood as an adult, trash is picked up at dawn, so everyone puts out their trash the day before.

The result is, while it is often a time to enjoy the fresh air, once a week my afternoon jaunt is dominated by full trash can after full trash can of putrid, week-old stench. And stench is an understatement. Some are eye-wateringly bad that force me to hurry past in fear that it may cause reprehensible damage to my fragile newborn son.

As disgusted as I am by the odor, I am even more amazed at the sheer volume of trash produced by some of my neighbors. My weekly trash load usually takes up about half of our legal trash-can capacity (I thought I’d throw in the word “legal” to sound more like my Dad), whereas some of my neighbors generate massive heaps of trash that fill and bury their trash cans. Many have gone so far as to rip the lids off of their legal trash cans so their heaping mound of trash is fully open to the elements. This helps their trash stench dominate other trash stenches around them.

I also can’t help but wonder where all this trash is throughout the week. Do they just have it sitting in the house all week growing in putridness?  I guess that, however, is beside the point.  These people are my neighbors and I shouldn't judge them, as I'm walking by... with greasy hair and shabby clothes and the blank stare of sleep deprivation.