Extreme Makeover

That's right, the television show.

It's quite possibly the worst idea for a TV show... find ugly people and make them beautiful. It was the worst until The Swan built on the idea by making it into a contest... as if the poor makeoverees haven't been through enough....

But that's all old news now, as I think both have fallen off the primetime television playlist... replaced by, no-doubt, Nanny to the Rescue! If you ask me, just give the kids a spoonful of sugar... that's all the medicine they need. But out of the ashes of such an awful show grew Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, only one of the greatest shows of all time. This hour long show usually has me crying by the first commercial break.

I think the biggest appeal is that it truly feels like a selfless show... which in turn is probably very self-promoting and ultimately selfish, but I'm not too worried about that. It not only makes you want to own an awesome house, but help others who may need help. I'm not saying that I'm jumping into the world of charity work just yet, but I like the idea.

Opposed to this show is the recent string of game shows. Deal or No Deal started it, and now there is 1 vs 100, The Rich List, and I just saw an ad for one called Show Me the Money!! A very different idea drives these shows, which while their still entertaining, it makes you wonder what's next. In my opinion, the world of game shows needs an extreme makeover.

And the Award for Boyfriend-of-the-Week goes to:

Ahh, my first post. Since there's no limit to what I can or cannot write about, let's start off with a bang and talk about the man himself, John Duffy.

The good behavior has been off the charts in the past seven days and includes buying flowers for my mother and grandmother, going grocery shopping without me, filling my car up with gas, cleaning out the clogged sink, being a huge help at my craft show during weather that was only one step away from tornado, surprising me with tickets to a ballet of Dracula, and of course, inviting me to join this here blog.

I'm not sure if these things were a result of some previous bad behavior I have yet to find out about, or perhaps he's just racking up the kudos so I can't nag him about playing PS2 football every day. Or maybe it was that chocolate pie I made him on Thursday. Whatever the cause, I'm not complaining. But if I were complaining, hypothetically, I'd complain about how the mayo knives he uses to make his sandwiches always end up strategically placed on the side of the sink. Not in the sink. Not in the dishwasher. On the side of the sink where the mayo can get stuck to the chrome and cause me a good five minutes of scrubbing. But I'm not complaining because I got to go the ballet tonight. :)

We're Growing

Yep, The Muted Guerrilla is growing, maybe not in readership. That's my fault. I haven't blogged in awhile. I haven't had much interest to, to be honest. For that reason, I'm bringing in some help.

That's right, for a limited time only, I'm inviting my beautiful girlfriend, the one, the only, Miss Tiffany Hanback to join me in my, as advertised, 'eternal struggle within, now online.'

That being said, I hope to hear about a young friend she made today, but just like me, her posts are her choice and there's no limit to what she can and cannot write.

John Duffy's Words

I started another blog. I call it John Duffy's Words. It's kind of like a word of the day, but without the everyday thing. Right now I only have a few words, and I'm not going to stress over finding new ones. I'll just post them as I find them.

At one point I had a blog where Tiff and I were going to post these little word challenges we gave ourselves... yep, we're dorks. The idea was to pick three words from a fish bowl that we filled with words and make up a little story, not long by any means, that contains the three words. And every week or so we would post the story and pick three new words to write another story. Now that I'm explaining it, I'll admit that I really like the idea, but in practice, it was a little different. We both got really into it and at last count, my story involving the words 'sloth,' 'melon,' and 'sprinkle cheese' was some fifteen page, four chapter story about a witch, and I got stuck trying to incorporate the word 'melon.' I hadn't even given thought to 'sprinkle cheese' yet.

Anyways, like I said, John Duffy's Words may be a slow growth project, but I like the idea. Plus, I'd like to think that the bowl of words would include words a bit more profound than 'sprinkle cheese.'

Running Late

I always seem to be running late. Usually I have no reason for this; I think I'll have plenty of time to get ready, but then I wind up running out the door a few minutes after the time that I've told myself is the latest I can possibly leave.

The worst part is, every single day, as I'm speeding out of the parking lot, I never seem to know how I got to be so late. Then I start humming some song that I sang, in full, in the shower, and likely came up with some dance moves to go along with it... or without thinking I contort myself to some samurai warrior face that I was practicing in the mirror... and I think, 'Oh yeah...' stepping on the gas a bit harder. Then I usually think, 'wait, did I brush my teeth?'

As a result of running late, I feel like I'm always in a hurry, having to speed to work or wherever it is I'm going. Working the overnights, my commute to work is usually pretty speedy.

I've found though that the faster I go, the slower everyone else goes. Without following close, I tend to speed up behind people, and as I do, brake lights turn on in front of me, there speed drops often below the speed limit, and I'm left crying out 'what the..." to an empty passenger's seat. It's very aggravating.

I'm convinced people see headlights behind them, driving with purpose at eleven o'clock at night, and immediately conclude it has to be a police car. If I was the police I would pull them over just for being suspicious. It would suck to be a cop, they probably have to deal with that all the time. Yeah, they can speed off, but they have to get by all the speed-limit-obeying model citizens first. But the police are never late. They get there when they get there.

Egg Challenge Results

I am declaring myself victorious in the egg challenge. And not a moment too soon... I started to feel a little strange on the insides. Now I just need to find myself a good doctor.

So Tiff, who wasn't quite as egg-streme with this challenge as I was, and I were talking over pancakes and eggs at IHOP, our final dinner of the week. Both of us noticed a few things that I would never have mentioned otherwise. Neither of us drank a lot of water throughout the week, which is strange as I've been drinking a lot of water recently.

The other thing of interest is we both craved fruit. At work I had a strong hankering for bananas and pears, both of which I hardly ever eat otherwise. Bananas I don't even like, but man, did they look tastey.

The next challenge I'm thinking will involve toothpaste, particularly Tom's of Maine. As for food challenges, the next go around will probably be something with apples. I haven't quite worked out the details yet, but apples each day should at least keep the doctor away.

Cha-ching!

So this makes me chuckle. The ancient Japanese text on tea preparation, a national tradition, is translated as The Classic of Tea, which in Japanese is called Cha Ching. Makes one wonder of the deeper meaning of Baddabing-Baddaboom.

I'm not too into tea myself, but I like the idea of the tea ceremony. Not so much the tea party, but the Japanese tradition. The idea just feels peaceful to me.

I visited a Japanese garden, once, in Ft. Worth, TX. I think that same weekend I went to the Ko-Bell Rodeo, "celebrating 1,632 consecutive weekends of rodeo action." Hee-ha! Texans have their own traditions. There were burning stoves in the stands to keep folks warm. It was winter.

I don't remember much of the Japanese garden, but there was a tea house. And I believe they had a rock garden, but when I was thereit needed some work done to it. It needed some serious Zen-ing.

I mention the rock garden because I was flipping through Wikipedia. The world-famous rock garden of Ryoan-ji, first off kicks ass. Anyplace that's been fully operational and in daily use for some 500-plus years kicks ass. But more importantly, it's got 15 stones in it that are arranged in five islands. From any point around the garden, only 14 stones can be seen. One, a different one depending on where you are standing, is always out of sight. It is said that all 15 stones can only be seen after one reaches enlightenment. That just fills me with spiritual awe.

If only I could cash in all that spirituality, I would take it to the bank... cha-ching, cha-ching!

Egg-cellent

I'm into day 4 of the great egg challenge. It's very egg-citing. I actually just had a bite of ham salad. It was a small bite, a nibble really, but it got me a bag of free food. I hope Tiff understands.

Since my eggs and sausage culinary masterpiece on day 1, I've enjoyed a delicious quiche, two more fried egg sandwiches, and a boatload of deviled eggs. My last sandwich involved too much bacon, which I've learned sticks with you. I've drank about a gallon of water trying to erase the taste of bacon, but to no avail. I'm still hoping to find something that looks more like this tasty treat from Spanglish:


I hope Tiff understands. wink, wink.

As for the challenge, it's going great. The only hard part has been at work I get very hungry. I'm surrounded by all sorts of snacks for my choosing for eight long hours, but I've been good and I get to look forward to some more deviled eggs when I get home. I can't tell you how good the deviled eggs are. I feel great though. I thought maybe all the protein would rush me to the bathroom or all the cholesterol would rush me to the doctor, but neither has happened, which I guess is a good thing. I can report that after three days, eggs are not at all an aphrodesiac, which I probably could have guessed. I hope Tiff understands.

Stay tuned for the second half and egg-zilerating conclusion of the Great Egg Challenge coming soon.

The Egg Challenge

Let me first say, I am not sure where the idea came from, but alongside my girlfriend, I have accepted the Egg Challenge.

A full week of eggs. Eggs for breakfast, eggs for lunch, eggs for dinner, eggs for anytime between. If eggs are not the focal point of the meal/snack, then it is off limits this week. That leaves us with such great eggy meals as scrambled eggs, fried eggs, deviled eggs, hard-boiled eggs, egg salad, quiche, omelettes, and whatever else I or Tiff can concoct.

We started Sunday - wrote this Sunday night - off with some deviled eggs, and just to get the desired aroma, hard-boiled eggs. Then we followed that with a fried egg and cheese sandwich, which was delicious. I predict this will be my staple food this week. I had some cantaloupe on the side of my lunch. For dinner I whipped up some scrambled eggs and cooked some kielbasa and toast to go with it. It's weird, replace breakfast sausage with dinner sausage and it's a whole new meal.

One day down, working on two, and I'm doing alright. The worst part so far has been feeling the fried egg sit in my belly and dread the thought of eating more eggs... not a good sign on day one. That and not snacking at work, God, I love NutterButters.

Day 2 is starting nicely, I'll keep you posted throughout the week. Actually Day 2 there were no glitches. And Day 3 is cruising right along. Bacon and egg sandwich, here I come.

Broken Glass

My eye glasses broke the other day. It sucks.

It's not too bad of a break, more of a chip really. A small piece of the lences chipped off at the bottom leaving what looks like a permanent rain drop stuck to me lense.

I never wore glasses growing up. I got a pair in high school, but I hardly ever used them. I didn't start wearing any regularly until Junior or Senior year of college. I was so scholarly then. Now I always wear them, so not wearing them feels bizarre, particularly when I go to rub my eyes. So it took a bit, but I've gotten used to looking through the strange spot, but it creates a lot of funny looks, which leads to explaining the same thing over and over... it's only happened twice so far, but I imagine it will happen a few more times at least.

Anyways, now I have to add 'go get new glasses' onto a growing to-do list that hasn't seen anything get crossed off in awhile.

McDonald's Tax

I don't go to McDonald's very often, but check this out. McDonald's has it's own taxes.

Look there. Below the sub-total. Eat In Tax: $.48. They charge you extra for eating in the building. Finding reasons for it, I guess it could make sense. They are suppose to wipe the tables down, and I'd hate to be in charge of cleaning those bathrooms. Yikes.

What gets me, though, is, there's no consequence for ordering to-go and then staying. You could stay all all day long and avoid the $.48. Rub your kids snotty boogers anywhere and everywhere the whole live long day and not pay their little eat-in tax.

Now $.48. is not a lot, but imagine how quickly it adds up after "billions and billions" are served.

Hold up. That's the only tax there is. Maybe their eat-in tax is another word for regular tax. It is about a 5.06% tax. Hmmmm. This may require some more investigating into McDonald's.