This past month has been a big one. Between the Christmas and the New Years and the Martin Luther King Day and the snow days, it is almost easy to overlook my wife’s birthday. It would never be okay to overlook her birthday, but I do see that it is easy for it to get lost in the shuffle. I’m just saying that after a big Christmas of giving and receiving, it is easy to fall into a bit of gift fatigue for the few weeks afterwards.
This gift fatigue is something that true gift-givers can spot early on and prepare for. I, admittedly, may have a lot to learn on this subject, but my in-laws, however, mastered this obstacle this year with the gift of …. A Wii.
Tiff and I went to their place for a birthday celebration where it was revealed soon after we arrived. Then I had roast beef. Tiff had none. And then we talked about Wiiiiiiiii!!, all the way home. (rimshot)
Perhaps I’m about three years too late to write any relevant review, but as far as video game consoles go, the wii is something else. After years of playing video games, I have attained a certain amount of hand-eye coordination. Conversely, I have not developed much, for lack of a better term, other coordination. Call it “body motion fluidity” or “limb placement awareness” or “corpus controllus” or simply “grace;” whatever it is, I don’t have it.
To illustrate: the wii comes with a game where you can play tennis, box, bowl, golf, and even play baseball! I opened it up, pushed in the disc and played up a storm. Then, after I had sufficiently mastered each event, I took on the test your age challenge. I returned serves and hit homeruns and even picked up a couple spares like an old pro. Convinced the wii would indicate that I was the perfect specimen of health, I eagerly pressed ahead to find out my results, which tell you the age your body is performing at… I believe 20 is the best.
I’m 47.
There’s nothing wrong with being 47, except when you are thirty. That’s okay though, I’ll just keep working at it. Maybe my wife can get me something to help me out with my wii age for my birthday.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Not My Fault
It is a new year and all has been quiet here at the Muted Guerrilla. Oh sure, we’ve dressed up our look a bit with a wonderful argyle background, but to our regular readers, there has been precious little to read of late. But you see, there is a perfectly good reason for this. As it turns out, I am incompetent. I’ll admit that I can do lots of things adequately and in fact, I can do some things rather smashingly, but when it comes to the gizmos and gadgets that make up the technology of today it is I that feels smushed.
I have several events from the past month that I want to share. I even have a video of two of them. But in these videos lie my downfall. For I spent over four hours mastering a free video editor that I downloaded from some website and in the end, I had created an award-worthy two-and-a-half minute short film about jumping into the ocean.
As I was preparing my acceptance speech, the video failed to copy onto my computer. I tried seven times and each time it looked good until just after the really hairy guy ran past the camera… I wonder if he had something to do with it. I even went as far as posting the written portion of it; maybe I’ll get the video up some day.
Anyways, maybe I should just stick to what I am good at… writing ad nauseum about whatever I want. And there is plenty to write about these days, but all in good time. For now though, I think I’ve learned something very valuable… don’t try new things. Wait, that’s terrible. How about, when nothing else works… turn to argyle.
I have several events from the past month that I want to share. I even have a video of two of them. But in these videos lie my downfall. For I spent over four hours mastering a free video editor that I downloaded from some website and in the end, I had created an award-worthy two-and-a-half minute short film about jumping into the ocean.
As I was preparing my acceptance speech, the video failed to copy onto my computer. I tried seven times and each time it looked good until just after the really hairy guy ran past the camera… I wonder if he had something to do with it. I even went as far as posting the written portion of it; maybe I’ll get the video up some day.
Anyways, maybe I should just stick to what I am good at… writing ad nauseum about whatever I want. And there is plenty to write about these days, but all in good time. For now though, I think I’ve learned something very valuable… don’t try new things. Wait, that’s terrible. How about, when nothing else works… turn to argyle.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Tim Bush, A Man of the People
Tim Bush, today is your day!
Today I can write about nothing but my brother-in-law, Tim Bush who won the honor and prestige of being spotlighted in this hallowed publication in Round Five of a special Duffy edition of the Ticket Tree that took place on December 29th, 2010. The winning bid was a depressingly low $5. People apparently have little interest in having their name and reputation shine, by the words of John Duffy, on the internet in perpetuity. Well, Tim Bush, it is their loss and your gain. I’m going to make you glow bright enough to roast a duck.
As I begin to write this portrait of a true American, I find myself struggling to encapsulate all that is Tim in such a format, and I have to wonder if this assignment would be better served in a six volume encyclopedia set on all the wonders that is Tim Bush, or perhaps an HBO miniseries starring Daniel Day Lewis as Tim Bush would be more appropriate. The subject may even lend itself to a daily newsprint featuring up-to-the-minute information on the man himself, Tim Bush… Oh, man! Tim could have his own blog!
All joking aside, I fear Tim Bush. My fear stems from Tim’s innate ability to seamlessly integrate into a family as wound up as my own. I believe most folks can relate to this experience, and while some do it with loud and boisterous techniques that can be effective, Tim opted for a more laid back approach. For most, it would take years to pull this off. With my own experience in which I’ve adopted a similar strategy, after 8 years it remains a work in progress. Tim however pulled this off in, eh, 14 months.
As my loyal readers could suspect, I carry a certain amount of respect for the era of yesteryear and Tim’s profession screams of this. For Tim Bush, is a shopkeeper. I’m sure there are other terms that might be more suiting, like Gallery Owner, Business Owner, Art Trader, or even Artist in his own right, but with “shopkeeper” Tim can be envisioned by those who don’t know him as wearing a manly apron and a visor, with glasses on his nose and a pencil behind his ear. Plus, I can attest that, much like Tim himself, the River To Sea Gallery is a North Carolina treasure and Wilmington landmark for this generation.
As recently as last month, if you were to ask Tim about himself, the Gallery would not be the first thing mentioned, but instead he would talk about his three wonderful kids – and perhaps their wonderful uncle. They are all truly awesome – especially the uncle – and incredibly lucky to have a guy like Tim as their dad.
Ever since a few weeks ago, if asked about himself, Tim would undoubtedly talk immediately about his time playing America ’s favorite game show, the Ticket Tree! Not only did he win this Round Five prize, but he also won the Grand Prize Round! Here he is accepting his winnings!
Despite this cheesey post, Tim's a great guy and should have more days devoted to him... days that don't cost $5.
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| Elated Tim (right) receiving the Round Five Prize from an equally elated John Duffy. |
As I begin to write this portrait of a true American, I find myself struggling to encapsulate all that is Tim in such a format, and I have to wonder if this assignment would be better served in a six volume encyclopedia set on all the wonders that is Tim Bush, or perhaps an HBO miniseries starring Daniel Day Lewis as Tim Bush would be more appropriate. The subject may even lend itself to a daily newsprint featuring up-to-the-minute information on the man himself, Tim Bush… Oh, man! Tim could have his own blog!
All joking aside, I fear Tim Bush. My fear stems from Tim’s innate ability to seamlessly integrate into a family as wound up as my own. I believe most folks can relate to this experience, and while some do it with loud and boisterous techniques that can be effective, Tim opted for a more laid back approach. For most, it would take years to pull this off. With my own experience in which I’ve adopted a similar strategy, after 8 years it remains a work in progress. Tim however pulled this off in, eh, 14 months.
As my loyal readers could suspect, I carry a certain amount of respect for the era of yesteryear and Tim’s profession screams of this. For Tim Bush, is a shopkeeper. I’m sure there are other terms that might be more suiting, like Gallery Owner, Business Owner, Art Trader, or even Artist in his own right, but with “shopkeeper” Tim can be envisioned by those who don’t know him as wearing a manly apron and a visor, with glasses on his nose and a pencil behind his ear. Plus, I can attest that, much like Tim himself, the River To Sea Gallery is a North Carolina treasure and Wilmington landmark for this generation.
As recently as last month, if you were to ask Tim about himself, the Gallery would not be the first thing mentioned, but instead he would talk about his three wonderful kids – and perhaps their wonderful uncle. They are all truly awesome – especially the uncle – and incredibly lucky to have a guy like Tim as their dad.
Ever since a few weeks ago, if asked about himself, Tim would undoubtedly talk immediately about his time playing America ’s favorite game show, the Ticket Tree! Not only did he win this Round Five prize, but he also won the Grand Prize Round! Here he is accepting his winnings!
 |
| Tim receiving the Grand Prize, a John Duffy original painting, from the Special Duffy Edition of the Ticket Tree. |
Saturday, January 01, 2011
The Dolphin Dip
It’s a new year. It’s that time of year where you are left thinking “(insert year) just doesn’t sound right.” 2011 is especially bad as it is neither easy to say nor fun to say. It lacks the crisp sounding “2010” and the poetic “2012.” Therefore we at the Muted Guerrilla are predicting this year to be predictably boring. Because of this dour forecast, it is imperative that we do all that we can to make this year one to remember.
With this in mind, I would like to start off the new year with a bang… or rather a splash. Now, this is my first attempt at combining videos, and it only took me four hours to make.
With this in mind, I would like to start off the new year with a bang… or rather a splash. Now, this is my first attempt at combining videos, and it only took me four hours to make.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Christmas Conversation
It’s difficult this time of year not to talk about Christmas. I was telling someone a highly entertaining story about this morning’s commute when I noticed the glaze in their eyes and the fidget in their stance. I decided to wrap up my story, and then ask a holiday question, “So, what are you going to be for Christmas this year?”
It’s not like there isn’t other stuff going on either. I mean, the winter solstice just occurred on the same night as a lunar eclipse – druids everywhere are rejoicing. I thought about staying up to see it, but I was tired and it was cold. This morning I searched the vastness of the internet for some of the best pictures of this global phenomenon. One of the first I found was from Manassas , VA … my neighboring town.
I can’t help but feel like I missed out on something big. Unless I am too tired and cold come Christmas morning, however, I don’t think I’ll miss anything too important.
Truthfully, this morning, even I was getting tired of my drive-to-work story. It lacked a certain holiday magic that all good stories need this time of year. If I had decided to rein up the old reindeer and take the sleigh into work, that would be different. Or if I had encountered a stranger who gave me the one thing I needed, but I didn’t know I needed, that would work too.
As it is the guy in front of me was just changing lanes a lot, always taking the inside corner. Maybe I’m just not a very good storyteller.
All that being said, I also overheard someone on their cellphone today who was clearly not talking about Christmas. He was a large man with a big belly and he said with a hardy laugh "... well, I guess that's what you get for working in the coal mines! Har! Har! Har!" Wait a second... big belly... hardy laugh... talking about coal! Did I just see the big man himself in Target?
It’s not like there isn’t other stuff going on either. I mean, the winter solstice just occurred on the same night as a lunar eclipse – druids everywhere are rejoicing. I thought about staying up to see it, but I was tired and it was cold. This morning I searched the vastness of the internet for some of the best pictures of this global phenomenon. One of the first I found was from Manassas , VA … my neighboring town.
I can’t help but feel like I missed out on something big. Unless I am too tired and cold come Christmas morning, however, I don’t think I’ll miss anything too important.
Truthfully, this morning, even I was getting tired of my drive-to-work story. It lacked a certain holiday magic that all good stories need this time of year. If I had decided to rein up the old reindeer and take the sleigh into work, that would be different. Or if I had encountered a stranger who gave me the one thing I needed, but I didn’t know I needed, that would work too.
As it is the guy in front of me was just changing lanes a lot, always taking the inside corner. Maybe I’m just not a very good storyteller.
All that being said, I also overheard someone on their cellphone today who was clearly not talking about Christmas. He was a large man with a big belly and he said with a hardy laugh "... well, I guess that's what you get for working in the coal mines! Har! Har! Har!" Wait a second... big belly... hardy laugh... talking about coal! Did I just see the big man himself in Target?
Monday, December 20, 2010
It's A Wonderful Story
I’m not sure how to say what it is that I want to say. If I were writing a paper in high school I would be sure to include in my opening line that this weekend I saw a wonderful play. As a high school graduate, I’ll start off with: Christmas is almost here… it’s less than a week away! (An ellipsis!?! In the opening line!?!) While the big day is quickly approaching, Christmastime started a couple of months ago.
If anything, Thanksgiving is the traditional start of the holiday season, but now-a-days, I believe you’re expected to be at a full holiday spirit sprint by Thanksgiving just to keep up. The season starts warming up in stores as early as October 9th. Then themed commercials start popping up in early November. This year, November 19 was the day that the listen-while-you-work radio station switched over to all-Christmas, all-the-time. Then after Thanksgiving, anything goes!
The exuberance level is at a sustained month-long fever-pitch. Stores go crazy trying to win your business! Neighbors turn their yards into something between a flea market and a light-show extravaganza! And of course, several television stations turn into holiday movie marathons, featuring a solid month of non-stop holiday movies to remind us of the true meaning of Christmas… although this year Back to the Future is somehow included in that repetitive marathon.
For years, the only movie that was aired more than once was It’s A Wonderful Life. It is the holiday classic of holiday classics (mainly because of its awesome special effects! Wait, no…). I’ve seen the movie a few times but all I remember is a scene here and there – for some reason a construction scene is the first thing I think of – and it has a happy ending.
This weekend I got to see the story played out at the community theater. Oh my god! What a great story! I am not joking; it has to be one of the Greatest Stories Ever Told! Once I realized what was going to happen at the end with all the people helping him out… well, it got pretty emotional. Granted, I was probably one of the few people over the age of 8 who did not know how the story ended, but I’m glad I didn’t. And I’m glad I do now.
Hot Dog, that George Bailey is one swell guy. He’s always doing the right thing and in return, the world takes care of him. I wish I could be more like George Bailey, as it is I’ve just been running around shouting Merry Christmas at fever-pitch for the past six weeks.
Merry Christmas, you old George Bailey!
If anything, Thanksgiving is the traditional start of the holiday season, but now-a-days, I believe you’re expected to be at a full holiday spirit sprint by Thanksgiving just to keep up. The season starts warming up in stores as early as October 9th. Then themed commercials start popping up in early November. This year, November 19 was the day that the listen-while-you-work radio station switched over to all-Christmas, all-the-time. Then after Thanksgiving, anything goes!
The exuberance level is at a sustained month-long fever-pitch. Stores go crazy trying to win your business! Neighbors turn their yards into something between a flea market and a light-show extravaganza! And of course, several television stations turn into holiday movie marathons, featuring a solid month of non-stop holiday movies to remind us of the true meaning of Christmas… although this year Back to the Future is somehow included in that repetitive marathon.
For years, the only movie that was aired more than once was It’s A Wonderful Life. It is the holiday classic of holiday classics (mainly because of its awesome special effects! Wait, no…). I’ve seen the movie a few times but all I remember is a scene here and there – for some reason a construction scene is the first thing I think of – and it has a happy ending.
This weekend I got to see the story played out at the community theater. Oh my god! What a great story! I am not joking; it has to be one of the Greatest Stories Ever Told! Once I realized what was going to happen at the end with all the people helping him out… well, it got pretty emotional. Granted, I was probably one of the few people over the age of 8 who did not know how the story ended, but I’m glad I didn’t. And I’m glad I do now.
Hot Dog, that George Bailey is one swell guy. He’s always doing the right thing and in return, the world takes care of him. I wish I could be more like George Bailey, as it is I’ve just been running around shouting Merry Christmas at fever-pitch for the past six weeks.
Merry Christmas, you old George Bailey!
Friday, December 17, 2010
'Tis The Season
‘Tis the only time of year when you can use the term “’tis” and not have your masculinity questioned… or is it?
‘Tis also the season for year-end lists. This round of year-end lists all has one common element. They all make me feel old and lame. Maybe that’s two, but who’s counting? In fact, I think I could list the Top Ten Top Ten Lists of 2010 That Make Me Feel Old & Lame, with hypothetical comments:
10. Songs of 2010. I know six of them and like none of them.
9. Albums of 2010. I feel like there was a time in my life when I could have told you the difference between these two categories.
8. Movies of 2010, by highest grossing. I've seen one of them... on DVD.
7. Movies of 2010, critics choice. I've never heard of any of these... which may actually make me cool.
6. Celebrities of 2010. I don't see my name on this list. I do see Justin Bieber!?! Must be a typo.
5. Sports Moments of 2010. How is the pinnacle sports moment of my adult life only #7?
4. Gadgets of 2010. None of these interest me.
3. Television Shows of 2010. Wait... they have actual shows not on ABC, NBC, or CBS?
2. Viral Videos of 2010. Those are hilarious... I haven't seen any of them!
1. Massively Multiplayer On-line Role Playing Games of 2010. What?
Maybe next year I'll take the time to make this a real list. On the flip-side I would be interested in a "Best Medical Advice of 2010."
‘Tis the season to get older by the year.
‘Tis also the season to slow down my blog. For whatever reason, that seems to be the annual pattern anyways. I’ll crank up the creative juices sometime in the summer, become almost … by September, embark upon some grand blogging scheme in October and begin to fizzle in November and sputter into hibernation in December or January.
This year, I had the ties going for October and then tried to give thanks for a while, but abandoned that with little mention of it. I still owe the good people in the blog world some two dozen thank you letters at some point… don’t think I’ve lost track. Anyhoo, in an effort to prolong my writing this season, I’ve written a couple of others this week that I just posted. One's actually about something that 'tis the season for; the other is of the utmost importance. 'T'are enjoyable!
I feel like 'tis the season for something else, but I just can't think of it... but first let me check that list I just made... I should check it twice.
‘Tis also the season for year-end lists. This round of year-end lists all has one common element. They all make me feel old and lame. Maybe that’s two, but who’s counting? In fact, I think I could list the Top Ten Top Ten Lists of 2010 That Make Me Feel Old & Lame, with hypothetical comments:
10. Songs of 2010. I know six of them and like none of them.
9. Albums of 2010. I feel like there was a time in my life when I could have told you the difference between these two categories.
8. Movies of 2010, by highest grossing. I've seen one of them... on DVD.
7. Movies of 2010, critics choice. I've never heard of any of these... which may actually make me cool.
6. Celebrities of 2010. I don't see my name on this list. I do see Justin Bieber!?! Must be a typo.
5. Sports Moments of 2010. How is the pinnacle sports moment of my adult life only #7?
4. Gadgets of 2010. None of these interest me.
3. Television Shows of 2010. Wait... they have actual shows not on ABC, NBC, or CBS?
2. Viral Videos of 2010. Those are hilarious... I haven't seen any of them!
1. Massively Multiplayer On-line Role Playing Games of 2010. What?
Maybe next year I'll take the time to make this a real list. On the flip-side I would be interested in a "Best Medical Advice of 2010."
‘Tis the season to get older by the year.
‘Tis also the season to slow down my blog. For whatever reason, that seems to be the annual pattern anyways. I’ll crank up the creative juices sometime in the summer, become almost … by September, embark upon some grand blogging scheme in October and begin to fizzle in November and sputter into hibernation in December or January.
This year, I had the ties going for October and then tried to give thanks for a while, but abandoned that with little mention of it. I still owe the good people in the blog world some two dozen thank you letters at some point… don’t think I’ve lost track. Anyhoo, in an effort to prolong my writing this season, I’ve written a couple of others this week that I just posted. One's actually about something that 'tis the season for; the other is of the utmost importance. 'T'are enjoyable!
I feel like 'tis the season for something else, but I just can't think of it... but first let me check that list I just made... I should check it twice.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
The Great White North
Winter appeared today with the first snowfall of the season. There’s something akin to “dreamy” about the season’s first snowfall. As I see it, there is a fine line for snow between wonderful and miserable that the first snow almost always gets a pass on regardless of other events. It is inevitably wonderful, especially if it comes before the holidays and you can warm up with a bowl of tomato soup sitting beside a decorated Christmas tree with gifts gathering underneath.
I got to leave work early, happily driving through the thick of the storm, with speeds cut in half by the very real threat of icy conditions. When I got home, in the midst of the snowfall, I pulled out the old snow shovel to shovel the few inches of snow that lined our driveway and front stoop. I was oddly delighted to do so – cheerfully remembering the hours upon back-breaking hours spent performing this chore in last year’s Snow-pocalypse.
The snow last year was miserable, in every sense of the word. It was wonderful as it fell on a Friday night and all day Saturday, but even as it continued to fall on Saturday night, the misery sank in as you were forced to consider getting to work on Monday. By Sunday, the blanket of white made way to a landscape marked by dirty sloshes of snow, and the impending work was in full swing.
It was a neighborhood effort and led to piles of snow taller than me. Soon we ran out of places to put the snow and we called it a day. I haven’t spoken to some of those people since.
That snow was miserable. Today’s was beautifully wonderful.
I got to leave work early, happily driving through the thick of the storm, with speeds cut in half by the very real threat of icy conditions. When I got home, in the midst of the snowfall, I pulled out the old snow shovel to shovel the few inches of snow that lined our driveway and front stoop. I was oddly delighted to do so – cheerfully remembering the hours upon back-breaking hours spent performing this chore in last year’s Snow-pocalypse.
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| Post-snow-pocolyptic |
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| This is the only picture we took of the snow on the cars. You can kind of see them under the snow. |
Going to work wasn’t even considered the first day or two for most, but I believe soon everyone grew snow-weary and work beckoned so the roads filled and accidents happened and people got angry.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Something in My Shoe
Yes, there is something in my shoe. It has been there all day long. It is neither sharp nor painful, but it is there, in my shoe. I can feel it with every step I take, hiding beneath my toe. It can only be so big, as it provides just enough discomfort – demands just enough attention – that I seem to forget about it when I sit down, so it remains in my shoe, under my big toe.
No, I have not removed the unwanted object in my shoe. I have not bent to its demands. I have not given any interest to this dull, hard thing that is worrying my toe. The existence of the thing that is in my shoe is of no consequence to me as I am above it and it is below me, digging into my big toe.
My toe belongs in my shoe. This hard object does not. I am confident that any irritation experienced on the part of my big toe pails in comparison to the distress put upon the unwelcome object in my shoe. Therefore, the shoe remains on my foot with this foreign entity in it. Be sure however, that upon its removal from my shoe, the blunt item lodged under my large toe will stay out of my shoe, forevermore.
It is only with the intention of providing you, dear reader, a complete picture of this misplaced monstrosity pitted against my ample toe in the confines of my inner sole that I am now removing said shoe from said foot. Ah, yes! I should have expected nothing less! This exploratory exercise has revealed a small piece of plastic that I believe once held a price tag on a recently purchased item.
In fact, if my limitless memory serves me correctly, I believe I placed this item in my shoe in order to keep it off of the floor, thinking at the time, “If this ends up on the floor, it will never be thrown away.”
Now I am returning this knotted plastic to the interior of my shoe, where it will unsuccessfully try to find an unobtrusive home. Ah, yes, there it is, pressing into the outside of my foot.
No, I have not removed the unwanted object in my shoe. I have not bent to its demands. I have not given any interest to this dull, hard thing that is worrying my toe. The existence of the thing that is in my shoe is of no consequence to me as I am above it and it is below me, digging into my big toe.
My toe belongs in my shoe. This hard object does not. I am confident that any irritation experienced on the part of my big toe pails in comparison to the distress put upon the unwelcome object in my shoe. Therefore, the shoe remains on my foot with this foreign entity in it. Be sure however, that upon its removal from my shoe, the blunt item lodged under my large toe will stay out of my shoe, forevermore.
It is only with the intention of providing you, dear reader, a complete picture of this misplaced monstrosity pitted against my ample toe in the confines of my inner sole that I am now removing said shoe from said foot. Ah, yes! I should have expected nothing less! This exploratory exercise has revealed a small piece of plastic that I believe once held a price tag on a recently purchased item.
In fact, if my limitless memory serves me correctly, I believe I placed this item in my shoe in order to keep it off of the floor, thinking at the time, “If this ends up on the floor, it will never be thrown away.”
Now I am returning this knotted plastic to the interior of my shoe, where it will unsuccessfully try to find an unobtrusive home. Ah, yes, there it is, pressing into the outside of my foot.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Email! Dang!
I haven’t written in a while because life’s gotten in the way. While I’ve been too busy to write anything much, I’ve definitely been thinking a lot. One thing that I’ve thought is about email.
People who know more than I do are starting to wonder how long email will last, as Facebook and Twitter look to take over the world. I’ve begun wondering the same thing… I mean my spam folder isn’t filling up like it once did. Call me old-fashioned, but I have a hard time getting into the world of Facebook and Twitter as I’m never sure what is worthy of mention (although I did have one immaculate – albeit chilled – Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich for lunch today at the lake… dang, it was good!)
Are Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches old-fashioned, too? In this world of healthy eats and peanut allergies, the answer is “probably so,” but that’s okay, I’m an old-fashion kind of guy. Anyways, my email idea is equally old-fashioned.
In this world of Facebook updates and Facebook comments and comments on comments and Tweets of comments on comments and Facebook updates of tweets of comments on comments, it is all just too much. The problem is not that of Facebook or Twitter though. It goes way back to email times and has taken many forms.
My idea is that my email should come once a day, all at the same time. This way, by the time I read my email, I can see what everybody thinks about an idea all at the same time. Then if I feel compelled, I can add my comment and the next day, when I check my email again, I can see what people said about my comment. It could probably work for Facebook too.
Now, I can see your furrowed brow, and I can hear exhale of arrogance. And I agree there is an easy way to make that happen. And maybe I will start checking my email but once a day, but what if I wasn’t the only one that had to live like that? What if it applied to everyone? Sure people might wait anxiously by their computer for their email to arrive, but how great would it be when it did? With the way people check their Facebook, it would be like Christmas morning each and every day! Then you could read it, respond, and go about your day until the next day. Dang, it would be good!
By the way, how did the post office miss out on creating an email service? Maybe they couldn’t offer all the bells and whistles of the email players, just a thought. My email has already become more like my actual mailbox than anything else… most days it’s just bills and ads. Dang, I'm brilliant.
People who know more than I do are starting to wonder how long email will last, as Facebook and Twitter look to take over the world. I’ve begun wondering the same thing… I mean my spam folder isn’t filling up like it once did. Call me old-fashioned, but I have a hard time getting into the world of Facebook and Twitter as I’m never sure what is worthy of mention (although I did have one immaculate – albeit chilled – Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich for lunch today at the lake… dang, it was good!)
Are Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches old-fashioned, too? In this world of healthy eats and peanut allergies, the answer is “probably so,” but that’s okay, I’m an old-fashion kind of guy. Anyways, my email idea is equally old-fashioned.
In this world of Facebook updates and Facebook comments and comments on comments and Tweets of comments on comments and Facebook updates of tweets of comments on comments, it is all just too much. The problem is not that of Facebook or Twitter though. It goes way back to email times and has taken many forms.
My idea is that my email should come once a day, all at the same time. This way, by the time I read my email, I can see what everybody thinks about an idea all at the same time. Then if I feel compelled, I can add my comment and the next day, when I check my email again, I can see what people said about my comment. It could probably work for Facebook too.
Now, I can see your furrowed brow, and I can hear exhale of arrogance. And I agree there is an easy way to make that happen. And maybe I will start checking my email but once a day, but what if I wasn’t the only one that had to live like that? What if it applied to everyone? Sure people might wait anxiously by their computer for their email to arrive, but how great would it be when it did? With the way people check their Facebook, it would be like Christmas morning each and every day! Then you could read it, respond, and go about your day until the next day. Dang, it would be good!
By the way, how did the post office miss out on creating an email service? Maybe they couldn’t offer all the bells and whistles of the email players, just a thought. My email has already become more like my actual mailbox than anything else… most days it’s just bills and ads. Dang, I'm brilliant.
Friday, December 03, 2010
Differing Thought
It’s strange what your mind gets caught on. You find yourself thinking about this weird saying or event at strange times for days and even weeks to come, and, if you’re like me, every time the thought springs up in your head, it’s quickly followed by the thought, why am I thinking about this.
This week, I’ve thought a lot about a 30-second conversation I had over Thanksgiving about shoes. I bought new shoes a few months ago. I’ve needed new shoes for much longer and I actively shopped for shoes for at least two weeks before hand.
The shoes that I was replacing were the best shoes I’ve ever owned, hands down. They were my first pair of Rockports, and they more than lived up to their name. I bought them in February 2007, so for the better part of four years they were my primary shoes. Early on, their stitching got a little ruffled and the toe got a little scuffled, but they felt great, even towards the end. Alas though, for shoes and creatures alike, the end is near when there is a hole in its soul that just can’t be fixed… or sole.
I decided on a pair of swanky Clarks as the new Rockports didn’t look right. My new shoes are great, and I love them, but they appear to scuff up pretty easily. So my mother, hi Mom!, asked me what caused that, and I didn’t know. My dad, hi Dad!, apparently believes the stairs are to blame. At the time, I said something like, Oh that makes sense, because it makes sense and I didn’t have a better reason. The conversation shifted and was quickly forgotten about. Until…
I got home and, much to my wife’s dismay, marched upstairs with my shoes on. I was about halfway up the stairs when I remembered my Dad’s Theory of Shoe Toe Scuff: blame the stairs. I slowed down and watched my steps. I proved his theory false. And then I continued my march up the stairs with other things on my mind.
Throughout the week, the thought returned frequently and without cause. I'd be singing to a song on the radio and just as I get to a point where I don't know the words, the question would visit me for a while. What scuffs my shoes? I'd be pouring a glass of water and suddenly there it was. Shaving. Showering. Busy at work. The question would come and go, and I'd go mindlessly on my way.
By the end of the week, the question had lingered long enough that I decided I needed shoe polish, stat. Last night, I put it on my official Christmas list to Santa, Brown Shoe Polish. Then this morning at work, in the middle of a conversation, the thought filled my head just as I was getting out of my car... so it was that awkward time when the conversation is put on hold for both people to get out of the car.
Accompanying the question this time, however, was the answer. So with no further ado, John Duffy's Shoe Toe Scuff Theory is... getting in and out of the car. For me this is when my shoes get scuffed. This has been further evidence of my brilliance, and I am publicly recommending that there be a law requiring signs posted at all automobile exits urging passengers to heed caution as they exit the vehicle.
This week, I’ve thought a lot about a 30-second conversation I had over Thanksgiving about shoes. I bought new shoes a few months ago. I’ve needed new shoes for much longer and I actively shopped for shoes for at least two weeks before hand.
The shoes that I was replacing were the best shoes I’ve ever owned, hands down. They were my first pair of Rockports, and they more than lived up to their name. I bought them in February 2007, so for the better part of four years they were my primary shoes. Early on, their stitching got a little ruffled and the toe got a little scuffled, but they felt great, even towards the end. Alas though, for shoes and creatures alike, the end is near when there is a hole in its soul that just can’t be fixed… or sole.
I decided on a pair of swanky Clarks as the new Rockports didn’t look right. My new shoes are great, and I love them, but they appear to scuff up pretty easily. So my mother, hi Mom!, asked me what caused that, and I didn’t know. My dad, hi Dad!, apparently believes the stairs are to blame. At the time, I said something like, Oh that makes sense, because it makes sense and I didn’t have a better reason. The conversation shifted and was quickly forgotten about. Until…
I got home and, much to my wife’s dismay, marched upstairs with my shoes on. I was about halfway up the stairs when I remembered my Dad’s Theory of Shoe Toe Scuff: blame the stairs. I slowed down and watched my steps. I proved his theory false. And then I continued my march up the stairs with other things on my mind.
Throughout the week, the thought returned frequently and without cause. I'd be singing to a song on the radio and just as I get to a point where I don't know the words, the question would visit me for a while. What scuffs my shoes? I'd be pouring a glass of water and suddenly there it was. Shaving. Showering. Busy at work. The question would come and go, and I'd go mindlessly on my way.
By the end of the week, the question had lingered long enough that I decided I needed shoe polish, stat. Last night, I put it on my official Christmas list to Santa, Brown Shoe Polish. Then this morning at work, in the middle of a conversation, the thought filled my head just as I was getting out of my car... so it was that awkward time when the conversation is put on hold for both people to get out of the car.
Accompanying the question this time, however, was the answer. So with no further ado, John Duffy's Shoe Toe Scuff Theory is... getting in and out of the car. For me this is when my shoes get scuffed. This has been further evidence of my brilliance, and I am publicly recommending that there be a law requiring signs posted at all automobile exits urging passengers to heed caution as they exit the vehicle.
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Qatar 2022
Today’s horoscope, from the Washington Post:
Here’s the video presentation of five of the twelve NFL-size stadiums to be built in a desert country, roughly the size of Connecticut in 12 years:
It will be quite the spectacle! Congatulations Qatar!
Taurus(4/20 – 5/20): Sometimes the one who has a novel take on things or can talk about a little known subject is considered quite interesting – in small doses that is.With this in mind, all that I will say regarding the 2022 World Cup being awarded to Qatar over the US that I am extremely bummed.
Here’s the video presentation of five of the twelve NFL-size stadiums to be built in a desert country, roughly the size of Connecticut in 12 years:
It will be quite the spectacle! Congatulations Qatar!
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
World Cup Bid
You and I have something in common. We are both anxiously awaiting the results of tomorrow’s World Cup Bid.
Yep, it would be something, all right.
But I’ve been forced into using hopeful “would”s and not certain “will”s in my writing as the once ironclad US bid has faltered a bit and has slipped into third after Qatar and Australia . Australia I can understand, although the time difference would suck, but the tiny desert nation of Qatar , hosting a sporting event in the middle of summer? The absurdity of it is mind-boggling.
The US is a contender for the 2022 Cup. That would put me at a spry 42 years of age, with enough disposable income to buy tickets to a game or two and, if all goes according to plan, kids that will be old enough to remember going.
A World Cup hosted by the US would be hugely successful for soccer in the world, as far as profits go, and in the USA it would further elevate the sport despite its lack of “TV time-outs.” Plus, with the decision being announced tomorrow, I would have 12 years to perfect my patriotic body make-up and face paint that would surely be captured by the television cameras. Oh, to be broadcast for all the world to see!
Yep, it would be something, all right.
But I’ve been forced into using hopeful “would”s and not certain “will”s in my writing as the once ironclad US bid has faltered a bit and has slipped into third after Qatar and Australia . Australia I can understand, although the time difference would suck, but the tiny desert nation of Qatar , hosting a sporting event in the middle of summer? The absurdity of it is mind-boggling.
I, however, will not be too disappointed when the Cup is given to the oil-rich, bribe-happy, Qatari people because of one thing. They can build way-cool stadiums. (I’ve seen the word “stadia” used more than “stadiums,” but I’m not stooping to peer pressure. Plus, stadia looks silly.) If you haven’t seen the list of to-be-built stadiums, they are amazing, and I can’t wait to see them become a reality. Because oil tycoons can do what they want, the stadiums offer things that don’t make any sense, like air-conditioning for an outdoor stadium and the ability to be deconstructed and shipped to third world countries. I can hear ‘em now, “I think we’re gonna need a bigger boat.”
One is built on a man-made island that requires boat taxis to get to.
Another is shaped like a giant seashell.
Anyways, here’s the full list… each one more spectacular than the next.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Giving Thanks to... The Prince William County Parks Authority
It came out of nowhere. Big and hairy and carrying a stench so vile that few people live to tell about it.
Let me back up… Everything changes with the seasons, most notably the lake where I eat lunch often. The leaves turn into a vivid array of splendid colors that makes one think, “now, THIS is why man invented the color TV!” Then the leaves quickly fall to the ground, revealing a depressing world of suburban townhomes just beyond the curtain of trees and forces one to think, “now, this is why man invented the TV.”
The falling temperatures and rising winds have forced me to move from the shade by the lake to a sunny picnic table near the lake. Today was a bit warmer, I was enjoying another delectable Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich and some dry cereal – it’s almost Thanksgiving and I haven’t gone to the store – thinking about the wonders of my thoughts when I turn to face a giant beast! It had a stick in its mouth and a wag in its tail.
It was a giant dog the size of a school bus and appeared to have recently plunged into the lake where I eat lunch often and now wanted to play. Wrapped up by its enthusiasm, I put out my hand to pet the big wet dog, and it, in turn, jumped in my lap. This is not what I wanted to happen, and as I let out a moan, the wild creature raced off back towards the lake.
As I stood there shaking my internal fist, I could feel the infection of wet dog smell sweep over me, emanating from my wet pants. It was then that I decided it was time to give thanks.
Let me back up… Everything changes with the seasons, most notably the lake where I eat lunch often. The leaves turn into a vivid array of splendid colors that makes one think, “now, THIS is why man invented the color TV!” Then the leaves quickly fall to the ground, revealing a depressing world of suburban townhomes just beyond the curtain of trees and forces one to think, “now, this is why man invented the TV.”
The falling temperatures and rising winds have forced me to move from the shade by the lake to a sunny picnic table near the lake. Today was a bit warmer, I was enjoying another delectable Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich and some dry cereal – it’s almost Thanksgiving and I haven’t gone to the store – thinking about the wonders of my thoughts when I turn to face a giant beast! It had a stick in its mouth and a wag in its tail.
It was a giant dog the size of a school bus and appeared to have recently plunged into the lake where I eat lunch often and now wanted to play. Wrapped up by its enthusiasm, I put out my hand to pet the big wet dog, and it, in turn, jumped in my lap. This is not what I wanted to happen, and as I let out a moan, the wild creature raced off back towards the lake.
As I stood there shaking my internal fist, I could feel the infection of wet dog smell sweep over me, emanating from my wet pants. It was then that I decided it was time to give thanks.
Dear Prince William County Parks Authority,
I just wanted to say thank you for all your excellent work with the parks in the county. I regularly visit the Lakeridge Marina and always appreciate the peace and quiet that it affords. The park is always clean and well-maintained making it a delight each and every time I go.
I also really like the new park near Haymarket; I believe it is called Silver Lake. I've only been a handful of times, but have enjoyed it every time. At first I was disappointed to learn that a middle school was being built so close to the lake, but when it is done it will be wonderful for both the students and the community alike.
Thanks again and happy holidays,
John Duffy
Monday, November 22, 2010
Thanks for Nothing
Thanks for nothing Muted Guerrilla.
I truly am thankful for so much each and everyday. But in an effort to maintain my rugged masculinity, I have faltered in my attempt to thank someone every single day. As I’ve alluded to before, it just doesn’t feel right to go around giving thanks all the time. Plus, if you deserve a thank you, you know what it is you did, and a simple, heart-felt, “Thanks” should sum it up.
That being said, I started this nonsense, so I’ll see it through, however sporadic it happens to be, till the end of the month. I had to back-date a number of posts, but don’t miss my thanks to an artist, a radio station, a website, a restaurant, and a superstar.
I truly am thankful for so much each and everyday. But in an effort to maintain my rugged masculinity, I have faltered in my attempt to thank someone every single day. As I’ve alluded to before, it just doesn’t feel right to go around giving thanks all the time. Plus, if you deserve a thank you, you know what it is you did, and a simple, heart-felt, “Thanks” should sum it up.
That being said, I started this nonsense, so I’ll see it through, however sporadic it happens to be, till the end of the month. I had to back-date a number of posts, but don’t miss my thanks to an artist, a radio station, a website, a restaurant, and a superstar.
Giving Thanks to... John Sovjani
Dear John Sovjani,They really are awesome. We went to the artshow mainly to see him, and he was one of the last booths we walked past. His booth is set up so that he has originals on one side and prints on the other.
I just wanted to say that it was a pleasure to speak with you this past Saturday at the art show in Gaithersburg , MD. My wife and I bought several of your prints and we love them all. They really help make our new(ish) home feel like ours.
We had bought a few small prints five or six years ago when we were just dating and we have always said how much we would love to decorate our walls with your artwork. Now that we have started this, I cannot tell you how pleased we both are with it.
Thank you so much, happy holidays,
John and Tiffany Duffy
After we decided on which ones we wanted,
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Giving Thanks to... Christmas Radio
Dear 97.1 WASH-FM,So… truthfully? The local radio station switched over to all Christmas joy on Friday. I love me some holiday music, hence the thank you, but all Christmas, all the time is a bit much. It may be the happ-happiest season of all but there’s a fine line between parties for hosting and marshmallows for roasting, and there’s an epoch gulf between scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases long, long agoooo.
More than any other one thing, I know the holiday season is here when you switch your broadcast to the 24 hour Christmas playlist. Thank you for adding to this wonderful time of year. Music is so powerful in that it can invoke memories, relieve stress, set the mood, and bring joy and happiness to all. This is especially true around the holidays with Christmas music.
Happy Holidays!
John Duffy
Plus, there are only so many Christmas songs. Just because Bing Crosby sings it one hour and Clay Aiken sings it the next, does not hide the fact that they are the same song being played within 60 minutes of each other. And… there’s a reason why some songs don’t have any covers. If I have to hear George Michaels singing “Last Christmas, you gave me your heart,” one more time, I might be sick. And don’t even get me started on the one that truly is just terrible, “It’s Christmas Eve in Washington .” Who thinks that’s a good song? It’s terrible!
There are some great Christmas songs though and I do like having the option to listen to Christmas music on the radio. My favorite Christmas songs though, I think are the two Christmas CD’s we listen to, Ray Charles Christmas and some jazz trio’s Jazzy Christmas.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Giving Thanks to... Groupon
Dear Groupon,
Like jell-o and the stock market, I have no idea how you work but I like you very much. Today, I was able to attend two great events that I would not have attended had it not been for the amazing deals I found on your website.
We had wanted to attend the Sugarloaf Crafts Festival, but I believe your deal made it happen, as it was a bit of a drive for us. We ended up finding quite a bit of stuff that we plan to hang on the walls of our new home.
And then, we got to see the Fairfax Symphony Orchestra for $20 off a ticket! It was a lot of fun, with the first and last songs being wonderful, and the song in the middle being so God-awful that I will remember it as long as I live. Your impact was evident at the symphony, as there was a line of folks with their printed receipts waiting to collect their tickets.
All in all good job, and I look forward to finding more great opportunities.
Thanks again and Happy Thanksgiving,
John Duffy
Like jell-o and the stock market, I have no idea how you work but I like you very much. Today, I was able to attend two great events that I would not have attended had it not been for the amazing deals I found on your website.
We had wanted to attend the Sugarloaf Crafts Festival, but I believe your deal made it happen, as it was a bit of a drive for us. We ended up finding quite a bit of stuff that we plan to hang on the walls of our new home.
And then, we got to see the Fairfax Symphony Orchestra for $20 off a ticket! It was a lot of fun, with the first and last songs being wonderful, and the song in the middle being so God-awful that I will remember it as long as I live. Your impact was evident at the symphony, as there was a line of folks with their printed receipts waiting to collect their tickets.
All in all good job, and I look forward to finding more great opportunities.
Thanks again and Happy Thanksgiving,
John Duffy
Friday, November 19, 2010
Giving Thanks to... Glory Days Grill
Dear Glory Days Grill,And thanks again goes to Merrifield Garden Center … it’s the gift that keeps on giving!
Just wanted to say thank you for your excellent promotion that you are running with the Washington Capitals. I’m not a big hockey fan, but I got to go to a game recently for the first time and had an amazing time. The Caps won the game 6-4.
With the game tied 4-4, the arena erupted when John Erskine powered a shot in from the blue line to give the Caps the lead. Everyone went crazy. It was awesome. What made it even better, with this fifth goal, was the message of FREE WINGS that flashed on the scoreboards. FREE WINGS! FREE WINGS!
Well, tonight, my wife and I went to your restaurant in Gainesville , VA to redeem our free wings, and they were delicious. We both chose your signature sauce, and we both loved them. We will definitely be headed your way next time we get a hankering for some chicken wings.
Our waitress, whose name I don’t remember, was awesome, by the way. She advised me not to try a hoppsier beer, because it’s too hoppsy, which I appreciate. Oh, and my meal was excellent too, but after the free wings, a Mac’N’Cheese Burger is a lot of burger.
Happy Thanksgiving!
John Duffy
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Giving Thanks to... Gwyneth Paltrow
Dear Gwyneth Paltrow,
I never knew my wife was such a fan of yours until recently. With my wife’s insistence, I found myself watching all of the Country Music Awards last week and an episode of Glee, due to your appearance on both shows. I thought both were surprisingly fun to watch. I wanted to thank you for re-introducing me to country and for introducing me to that Cee-Lo Green song, which cracks me up.
I’m not much of a country fan, but your performance on the CMA’s was excellent, and I look forward to your upcoming movie. I actually liked a lot of the music that night, and programmed one of the buttons on my car radio to a country station. Country music can be a lot of fun, and when you haven’t heard any in a long time, it’s even better.
I’ve never watched a full episode of Glee. I kind of like the song and dance but the rest of the show is a little too much. The show did make me laugh, especially the line “You smell homeless.” I really liked the first song you sang though, and a good song can’t be beat. I looked it up and I love it.
Thanks for everything and keep on surprising me,As for Cee-Lo's video... prepared to be blown away... for those who care, I went with the radio edit version, just because. The name of the song is not actually "Forget You."
John Duffy
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