I am still thinking up ideas for what to do with my first $100 check from Google. I've started concentrating on one idea but haven't done much towards it yet, so I'll still keep throwing out ideas.
- I could take the money back to the County Fair to revisit the coin pusher that made all of this possible. I would say “Thanks, Coin Pusher.” I could try out some of the tips people have commented about… although most of the comments would not be very helpful. Recently I got a comment that I had to translate from Chinese and I think something might have been lost in translation. “Not a pen-hold of people.” After some thought, I am guessing that means it wasn’t crowded, which was true, but good, clean fun like the County Fair can only be crowded with fun. The coin pusher tent was a pen-hold of good times. This could be good though as it wouldn’t need to be the full $100, so I’d have a little left to play with.
- I could play a little game with the money, similar to the guy who started with a red paper clip and traded up and up until he owned a home. This could be interesting in a way, but I believe the guy with a paper clip wound up in central Canada . They probably don’t even know what a coin pusher is in central Canada ! They would call them Loonie Pushers.
Back on track and similar to the trading up idea, I could invest in something and follow it here on this blog! Invest might be the wrong word as the stock market is not what I’m thinking of. When I was a kid, I heard this story in Sunday school about these three brothers who were each given money from their father who was going on vacation. They were expected to return the money when he returned. One brother bought two cows or something like that and in the end had five cows that it sold for a profit. Another brother bought seeds and sold the grain. The third brother buried the money and returned it all to his father in the end, and he was shamed. Yep, Sunday school is where I learned all my business savvy. I would need a plan for this though that would fit in my $100 budget.
- I have been wanting to participate in Kiva.org for a long time now. The website essentially brings the glorious world of microfinance into your living room… sort of. I’ll admit that my hesitation is one of greed. Microfinance provides small loans to entrepreneurial folks around the world… the key being that they are very small loans. The website is a charity rather than a business, though, so if I loaned my $105.24, I would receive $105.24 at the end of the term. Even if I received an extra couple of bucks, say I got $107 at the end, it would be a lot more fun. Plus, I think they still do charge interest – a lot of interest – I’m just not sure where that money goes.
As far as the blog goes though, this could work well as I believe you receive notes about how their business is doing along with regular payments. It would all be pretty exciting.
That’s three more and I still don’t feel like I have a good list of potential topics yet. All this scheming might have to come to a close. I might have a few more ideas though.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
$100 Richer, Oh Yeah!
Now is the time to figure out how best to use my new-found wealth. I would like to somehow use it on this blog, as an investment of sorts, in order to provide a bright future for this sputtering blog. This is why I hope to spend it on something completely ridiculous and self-absorbed.
I hope to put it to a vote soon, with you the reader choosing how it’s spent. Every vote will count as, if the number of total votes reaches double digits, the poll would be deemed a success. But for right now, I’m still very much in the scheming phase. I would like to find something both a bit bizarre and with potentially a lot to tell about… or ideally make a web-sensation video about. Here are some potential ideas:
- I could try out SpaWorld USA. It’s a true Korean spa just minutes from my very own home! The sauna and pool area sound nice, but it is the 7 poultice rooms that intrigue me. One room is made entirely of salt to help cleanse you inside and out. Another is filled with tiny, hard dirt balls… I have no idea why, but I would love to try it out. And there are 5 others! Ice is one! I’m so intrigued. At just $35 dollars for 24 hours of access, I may do this one anyways. Hat tip to Groupon for this idea.
- I could try to become a Free Mason. Ever since reading Dan Brown’s book about the secret brotherhood, I’ve harbored a desire to see what it is all about. This has quite a few advantages. The annual dues are around $150 so my internet earnings would cover most of it and it is an ongoing thing rather than a once-and-done experience. The down side though is that it is a secret organization, so I may be oath-bound not to say anything about it, even if I get to wear horned helmets and slaughter young goats. Of course, if I have to do that I might not last the full year. Also, you have to know a Free Mason to join, which could prove problematic.
- In a very different way, I could take a cue from my brother-in-law and start a long term project. Matt recently showed off his handmade boat, the product of several years of tinkering and hard work. While the boat is just a boat, it is a pretty damn impressive accomplishment. I could build just about anything, except I’m not at all handy and I don’t have much extra space to devote to this project.
What I have in mind though is to build something of a small studio in my garage where I can make better videos to post on YouTube. I could make a studio for my game show, the Ticket Tree among other ideas. I’ve also got a vision of a weekly Sunday night rant. My first one would be about how little sense Andy Rooney makes. I have no idea what the cost of this would be, but I imagine it would be exponentially larger than $105.24 and my wife may have a word about it.
This brain-storming may take some time. I’ll try to post some more as I think of them. Meanwhile, if you have any suggestions, please share!
Monday, August 08, 2011
Cost-Conscious Goldilocks
This past weekend, I bought a shirt from Kohl’s. I try to buy something from the department store every few months, whenever they send a ten-dollar Kohl’s Cash Card in the mail. If you limit yourself to the out of season, significantly reduced apparel, you can usually get something pretty nice for less than ten dollars. And this week was a tax-holiday! This bargain shopping mentality has left me with a plethora of decent work shirts, but a severe shortage of pants options.
All this Kohl’s talk though is just a strange lead-in to the true crux of my lack of quality pants: I’m getting bigger. It’s happened so slowly that it is almost difficult to notice. Ten years ago, I graduated college wearing baggy, saggy pants measuring 32 inches at the waist. In the next few years, the 32’s became a little snug, and for a long time I was hovering around 33 and 34.
A year or two ago, I came upon a pair of 36 inch pants (on Old Navy’s Clearance Rack) and recently I realized that they are, by far, the most worn pants I own. I still wear some 34’s fairly regularly as they aren’t uncomfortably snug, yet; plus most of my pants are 34’s. I should say that my beloved 36 inch pants are a little big, and I do need a belt so that they appear neither baggy nor saggy. It’s almost as if my waist measures somewhere between 34 inches and 36 inches, but where?
Lo and behold, there is a number between 34 and 36! So, maybe, just maybe, my goldilocks waistline is 35 inches, which leaves me to wonder why I can’t buy something off the shelf that fits just right. My choices are either too big or too small.
Even before college, I’ve followed the progression. I remember buying pants in high school that were 29’s. 30 inches I remember well. 31 inches I still see quite a lot of. 32 and 34 are both very popular, and now you don’t even have to really search for the 33 inch measurements.
34 is the cut-off though. After that it is just evens. Maybe the thought is after 34 inches, it doesn’t really matter if your pants fit just right. Or probably more accurately, if you limit your shopping to bargains at department stores, you don’t care if your pants fit just right.
All this Kohl’s talk though is just a strange lead-in to the true crux of my lack of quality pants: I’m getting bigger. It’s happened so slowly that it is almost difficult to notice. Ten years ago, I graduated college wearing baggy, saggy pants measuring 32 inches at the waist. In the next few years, the 32’s became a little snug, and for a long time I was hovering around 33 and 34.
A year or two ago, I came upon a pair of 36 inch pants (on Old Navy’s Clearance Rack) and recently I realized that they are, by far, the most worn pants I own. I still wear some 34’s fairly regularly as they aren’t uncomfortably snug, yet; plus most of my pants are 34’s. I should say that my beloved 36 inch pants are a little big, and I do need a belt so that they appear neither baggy nor saggy. It’s almost as if my waist measures somewhere between 34 inches and 36 inches, but where?
Lo and behold, there is a number between 34 and 36! So, maybe, just maybe, my goldilocks waistline is 35 inches, which leaves me to wonder why I can’t buy something off the shelf that fits just right. My choices are either too big or too small.
Even before college, I’ve followed the progression. I remember buying pants in high school that were 29’s. 30 inches I remember well. 31 inches I still see quite a lot of. 32 and 34 are both very popular, and now you don’t even have to really search for the 33 inch measurements.
34 is the cut-off though. After that it is just evens. Maybe the thought is after 34 inches, it doesn’t really matter if your pants fit just right. Or probably more accurately, if you limit your shopping to bargains at department stores, you don’t care if your pants fit just right.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
A Nice Quiet Lunch
Ah, what could be more relaxing than a nice quiet lunch of Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches in the summer shade by the lake? Tall grass and lonely trees come to mind… maybe gentle waves crashing on a sandy beach… maybe a light afternoon rain deep in the forest. Let’s see, what other soothing noises can my alarm clock make… crickets perhaps? Lately though, it wouldn’t take much to find a more relaxing spot than the lake where I eat lunch often.
There are two things disrupting my lunchtime retreat, and neither of those things are the quality of the food. Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches are a treat at anytime, and I’ve finally found a bread that brings out the nuttiness of the peanuts and the sweetness of the jelly. Stroehman’s Whole Wheat cannot be beat! It’s also good for Grilled Cheeses, which I recently fell in love with all over again.
The first major deterrent is by no means the fault of the lake itself. It has just been really, really hot. Even in the shade, with a regular breeze coming from off the water and a can of cold soda in my hand, it doesn’t take long before I can feel the sweat dripping down my back. Then you have to decide if you should try to catch the sweat by tightening your shirt or just let it slowly make its way all the way down. I’m always amazed how far down it can go.
It’s been so hot that several times I’ve tried to illustrate how hot it is by saying that my wife and I skipped out on going to the opera because my car was struggling to cool off. It is a true story, yet, nobody has asked me why we had tickets to go to the opera in the first place, which makes me wonder what people think of me. I kind of like that the opera doesn’t seem too far out of the realm of possibility for a guy like me.
The heat and sweat I can deal with, but my usual quiet eating spot now has been invaded by large, orange machinery and yellow caution tape. The machine is so loud that I’m having trouble describing it. Imagine the sound of someone weedwacking from inside a space shuttle launch and you’ll get an idea of how loud it is.
The first day it was there, I assumed it was just a temporary thing, which was confirmed by an employee that I ran into on the third day. Apparently some pump broke somewhere else on the lake, so they have to use this blaringly loud one until it’s fixed. I was assured that it shouldn’t take more than a week.
It’s now been two full weeks, and today somebody finally came to check on it wearing giant earphones. A turn here and a turn there, and my heart filled with hope that maybe it would at last be silenced, or at least switch to something more soothing, like a babbling brook or perhaps crickets. I would have even taken ear-piercing opera notes! But the machine only roared louder… and I cut my lunch short.
There are two things disrupting my lunchtime retreat, and neither of those things are the quality of the food. Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches are a treat at anytime, and I’ve finally found a bread that brings out the nuttiness of the peanuts and the sweetness of the jelly. Stroehman’s Whole Wheat cannot be beat! It’s also good for Grilled Cheeses, which I recently fell in love with all over again.
The first major deterrent is by no means the fault of the lake itself. It has just been really, really hot. Even in the shade, with a regular breeze coming from off the water and a can of cold soda in my hand, it doesn’t take long before I can feel the sweat dripping down my back. Then you have to decide if you should try to catch the sweat by tightening your shirt or just let it slowly make its way all the way down. I’m always amazed how far down it can go.
It’s been so hot that several times I’ve tried to illustrate how hot it is by saying that my wife and I skipped out on going to the opera because my car was struggling to cool off. It is a true story, yet, nobody has asked me why we had tickets to go to the opera in the first place, which makes me wonder what people think of me. I kind of like that the opera doesn’t seem too far out of the realm of possibility for a guy like me.
The heat and sweat I can deal with, but my usual quiet eating spot now has been invaded by large, orange machinery and yellow caution tape. The machine is so loud that I’m having trouble describing it. Imagine the sound of someone weedwacking from inside a space shuttle launch and you’ll get an idea of how loud it is.
The first day it was there, I assumed it was just a temporary thing, which was confirmed by an employee that I ran into on the third day. Apparently some pump broke somewhere else on the lake, so they have to use this blaringly loud one until it’s fixed. I was assured that it shouldn’t take more than a week.
It’s now been two full weeks, and today somebody finally came to check on it wearing giant earphones. A turn here and a turn there, and my heart filled with hope that maybe it would at last be silenced, or at least switch to something more soothing, like a babbling brook or perhaps crickets. I would have even taken ear-piercing opera notes! But the machine only roared louder… and I cut my lunch short.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Name Time
This morning I got in the shower before I realized that we needed a new bar of soap. As a result, I used some of my wife’s fancy body wash from a tube, so all day long I’ve been very conscience of how fruitily good I smell. I picked the perfect day to smell delicious as this afternoon, I endured another shower.
I’ve been to three baby showers in the past three weeks. As a guy, that might be unheard of. At each, I think I’ve blushed and mumbled a thanks as the awkward and uneasiness of being at or near the center of attention quickly faded away into something similar to fun. Actually, they’ve all been fun in their own ways. Hell, I’ll make anything fun if I can have cake and cookies afterwards.
There is always that point, however, where someone asks what the name will be. It’s such a natural question, “Do you have a name all picked out?” but it somehow manages to expose everything about you and poke around at the very essence of who you are.
Questions about the sex of the baby or the due date are pretty cut and dry. I have no power over them – they are what they are – whereas the name is something that my wife and I hemmed and hawed over for weeks. We must have considered every name that ever was, comparing them to our morals and ideals as human beings, and let the sounds of our favorites roll around in our mouths, day after day, in order to better understand it. Names are important so you have to get it right.
In the end, it wasn’t a hard decision as we kept going back to the same name. A few of my loyal readers (Hi, Mom!) have elected not to find out, so all I can do is confirm that it is not Rufus Aloysius, although I kind of like both of those names. My wife and I both really like the name we chose, so now the kid will have to live with it, like it or not. And, he’ll have to put up with the being the center of attention for awhile, which is fine by me.
I’ve been to three baby showers in the past three weeks. As a guy, that might be unheard of. At each, I think I’ve blushed and mumbled a thanks as the awkward and uneasiness of being at or near the center of attention quickly faded away into something similar to fun. Actually, they’ve all been fun in their own ways. Hell, I’ll make anything fun if I can have cake and cookies afterwards.
There is always that point, however, where someone asks what the name will be. It’s such a natural question, “Do you have a name all picked out?” but it somehow manages to expose everything about you and poke around at the very essence of who you are.
Questions about the sex of the baby or the due date are pretty cut and dry. I have no power over them – they are what they are – whereas the name is something that my wife and I hemmed and hawed over for weeks. We must have considered every name that ever was, comparing them to our morals and ideals as human beings, and let the sounds of our favorites roll around in our mouths, day after day, in order to better understand it. Names are important so you have to get it right.
In the end, it wasn’t a hard decision as we kept going back to the same name. A few of my loyal readers (Hi, Mom!) have elected not to find out, so all I can do is confirm that it is not Rufus Aloysius, although I kind of like both of those names. My wife and I both really like the name we chose, so now the kid will have to live with it, like it or not. And, he’ll have to put up with the being the center of attention for awhile, which is fine by me.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
The Write Choice
It’s been over a month since I last wrote anything. Is anyone surprised? I was gone for a few weeks and then I returned and chose not to write anything for two more weeks. Now I am choosing to write, I just haven’t chosen what to write about yet.
I could choose to write about my vacation in Maine, where the fun-filled outings didn’t get in the way of enjoying my days too much, but I think a picture might do better.
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The U2 concert could be a good choice, but really all there is to say is that it was quite the show… and I think Bono was losing his voice, which got me thinking about how I truly want to be a good spectator. I almost feel obliged to put on a good, attentive and enthusiastic show of spectating for whomever I’m spectating, be it U2, DC United, or the Shenandoah Cloggers.
I want to write about my trip up to Maine, a twelve-hour trek through flash-floods and fast moving water, past sunken cars and closed roads that will forever rank among the scariest days of my life, but I haven’t yet fully conveyed the true terror of the incidents, even after many times telling the story. At this point, I’m not sure I even believe it myself.
Find out which choice this chooser chose by choosing to read more!
I could choose to write about my vacation in Maine, where the fun-filled outings didn’t get in the way of enjoying my days too much, but I think a picture might do better.
I want to write about my trip up to Maine, a twelve-hour trek through flash-floods and fast moving water, past sunken cars and closed roads that will forever rank among the scariest days of my life, but I haven’t yet fully conveyed the true terror of the incidents, even after many times telling the story. At this point, I’m not sure I even believe it myself.
Find out which choice this chooser chose by choosing to read more!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
The Skype's the Limit
When I was younger, I had a vision of the future. It involved flying cars whizzing about and robots in white sweaters. Dishes and floors would clean themselves. Food would be cooked and ready to eat in a matter of moments. Buildings would all be made out of a shiny metal. People would wear hats with antennas and laws would require evil people to have devious smiles. I would be bald and in charge.
Sadly, none of that has happened… yet, but that hasn’t stopped the future from happening. For my birthday, my parents got all the parts for me to talk to them through my television set. The future is here, and its name is Skype.
Skype is actually really cool in that you can talk to folks anywhere in the world for free. It is especially great for my folks as they can see all their kids and grandkids that are spread out throughout the world.
For me though, there are a few things about it that will take some getting used to. For starters, and maybe this is just my egocentric ways, but rather than looking at the person I’m talking to, I spend my time watching myself and end up distractedly wondering if that’s really what I look like. Perhaps that’s something I should work on.
I also take issue with what is suppose to be the ringer. While telephones ring their familiar little ring and cell phones ring, sing, dance, and boogie, my Skype notifies me of an incoming Skype with more of an alarm. “BRRHH!! BRRHH!!” I feel like yelling “Stations everyone, stations!” And then there should be people hurriedly running back and forth with wrenches and hardhats.
That would be nice actually… to have a little chaotic scene taking place in the background. It would make me feel important. Plus, it would be a great excuse if I ever want to get off the phone… or I mean television. Note to self: purchase a flashing red light, preferably menacing.
And finally, I feel like my television is looking back at me. There is now a camera pointed directly at me as I stare absently at whatever the least objectionable programming is at the moment. And that camera is hooked up to the internet.
While this has forced my wife and me to keep the room a bit cleaner, it hasn’t cleared away any of the heebie-jeebies that big brother could be watching. Our solution was to cover it up. Luckily, I had taken a picture of my emergency money and had yet to return it to my wallet. With the future, I think it finally found its emergency.
Sadly, none of that has happened… yet, but that hasn’t stopped the future from happening. For my birthday, my parents got all the parts for me to talk to them through my television set. The future is here, and its name is Skype.
Skype is actually really cool in that you can talk to folks anywhere in the world for free. It is especially great for my folks as they can see all their kids and grandkids that are spread out throughout the world.
For me though, there are a few things about it that will take some getting used to. For starters, and maybe this is just my egocentric ways, but rather than looking at the person I’m talking to, I spend my time watching myself and end up distractedly wondering if that’s really what I look like. Perhaps that’s something I should work on.
I also take issue with what is suppose to be the ringer. While telephones ring their familiar little ring and cell phones ring, sing, dance, and boogie, my Skype notifies me of an incoming Skype with more of an alarm. “BRRHH!! BRRHH!!” I feel like yelling “Stations everyone, stations!” And then there should be people hurriedly running back and forth with wrenches and hardhats.
That would be nice actually… to have a little chaotic scene taking place in the background. It would make me feel important. Plus, it would be a great excuse if I ever want to get off the phone… or I mean television. Note to self: purchase a flashing red light, preferably menacing.
And finally, I feel like my television is looking back at me. There is now a camera pointed directly at me as I stare absently at whatever the least objectionable programming is at the moment. And that camera is hooked up to the internet.
While this has forced my wife and me to keep the room a bit cleaner, it hasn’t cleared away any of the heebie-jeebies that big brother could be watching. Our solution was to cover it up. Luckily, I had taken a picture of my emergency money and had yet to return it to my wallet. With the future, I think it finally found its emergency.
Monday, June 06, 2011
For the Love of Geese
I firmly believe that there are two types of people in the world: those who enjoying feeding breadcrumbs to geese and those who have fed breadcrumbs to geese.
Today offered another beautiful lunch by the lake for me to enjoy the cool, gentle breeze of the shade. Plus, the satisfaction that comes from a perfectly made Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwich always brings a certain joy to my heart. It was also a good day to watch a young couple feed the geese.
The two lovebirds, probably about twenty-years old, were nestled shoulder-to-shoulder as they sat Indian-style at the end of the wharf. I can only imagine that the newfound love they share is eternal and forever and that one thought the other a brilliant romantic for suggesting that they celebrate their love by feeding breadcrumbs to the geese by the lake. Seeing them brought a certain joy to my heart.
Yes, the image upon my lunchtime arrival struck me as being worthy of even the finest of artists. The couple at the center of the scene surrounded by about a dozen or so floating geese appeared almost as a halo. The shimmering water around the geese caught the summer sun just enough to add a sense of warmth to the picture. The background filled with pristine forests along the opposite side of the lake hinted at a lost era of yesteryear. Even the deep blue sky that held a handful of puffy white clouds brought a certain joy to my heart.
I sighed in delight and continued to my lunch. Not too much later, as I was lost in thought from my PB&J, the unmistakable sound of geese honking drew my attention back to the lovebirds. The honking began friendly enough but soon became angry, and the sound of a large bird rushing through the water that followed was short-lived but important.
For, it was this aggressive fowl that chased the equally large goose out of the water, squawking and honking, onto the wharf. Fortunately for the young couple, so very-much in love, this took place on the man's side of the two, so he could offer protection and security to the love of his life.
Instead, he screamed and stumbled to his feet away from the angry beast not two feet away. In doing this, he knocked into the girl, who elegantly spun off the wharf and into the water. Judging from how she fell, I want to say that the whole thing was choreographed as she spun on her rump with a certain grace and stretched out her legs just as she hit the water.
The ruckus and splashing that ensued looked less rehearsed, as the birds scattered and honked and the young man scrambled to help the damsel in distress. It took some time to haul her out of the lake.
Then the couple retreated and as the embarrassed boy made sure to scare off the remaining birds from the pier, the soaked girl scowled into the distance as I tried to suppress a certain joy in my heart.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
7-Eleven Shopper
Today, I stopped by a 7-Eleven convenience store for a soda and a snack. This wasn’t a new experience for me, but it is far from typical. This time however was slightly different.
My 7-Eleven haul almost always includes a bag of Combos and a Big Gulp – not to mention a lottery ticket, and while I debated mixing it up by getting a donut or something instead, I immediately set off to locate the Combos.
I responded to the greetings of the workers behind the counter and made my way to the back of the store. This 7-Eleven was in a shopping center and it was deep and narrow. In other words, it was set up completely different than any I’d been in before. It was also completely empty save the two employees behind the counter.
The lay-out of the store was a little strange, so I looped around the aisles several times hoping something would catch my eye. One of the workers, an older gentleman with a thick accent and a heavy limp, walked down and asked if I needed help finding anything.
My response: “Just trying to get a feel for the place.” I have no idea what that means, but it came out naturally as I was busy searching for a flavor of Combos other than Pizzeria. After a few more minutes dawdling between the two aisles, I made my way to the drink station with Pizzeria Combos in hand.
A second customer who looked like a construction worker entered the store and got to the counter before me. He was buying cigarettes, and due to a communication breakdown, it took a minute so I had a moment to stand back and take it all in.
That’s when I noticed the muddy footprints by the door right next to a Caution: Wet Floor sign. “Gees, they must have just cleaned the floor. You think he would have wiped his boots,” I thought blaming the grubby construction worker.
But then I followed the heavy footprints as they trailed mud and dirt to the back of the store. My full aimless path could be easily followed with a set of alarmingly clear footprints all the way up to where I was standing. I looked down and lifted my shoes to see more dirt fall off.
I approached the counter feeling the shame and awkwardness of my unknowing mistake. My mind raced for some smart quip or apology or some way to acknowledge my misdeed, but I remained silent, unable to even make eye contact.
As I walked away, convinced I would find a patch of mad to blame outside, I heard the man with the thick accent and heavy limp say to his colleague with a hint of defeat, “I need you to mop the floor again.”
My 7-Eleven haul almost always includes a bag of Combos and a Big Gulp – not to mention a lottery ticket, and while I debated mixing it up by getting a donut or something instead, I immediately set off to locate the Combos.
I responded to the greetings of the workers behind the counter and made my way to the back of the store. This 7-Eleven was in a shopping center and it was deep and narrow. In other words, it was set up completely different than any I’d been in before. It was also completely empty save the two employees behind the counter.
The lay-out of the store was a little strange, so I looped around the aisles several times hoping something would catch my eye. One of the workers, an older gentleman with a thick accent and a heavy limp, walked down and asked if I needed help finding anything.
My response: “Just trying to get a feel for the place.” I have no idea what that means, but it came out naturally as I was busy searching for a flavor of Combos other than Pizzeria. After a few more minutes dawdling between the two aisles, I made my way to the drink station with Pizzeria Combos in hand.
A second customer who looked like a construction worker entered the store and got to the counter before me. He was buying cigarettes, and due to a communication breakdown, it took a minute so I had a moment to stand back and take it all in.
That’s when I noticed the muddy footprints by the door right next to a Caution: Wet Floor sign. “Gees, they must have just cleaned the floor. You think he would have wiped his boots,” I thought blaming the grubby construction worker.
But then I followed the heavy footprints as they trailed mud and dirt to the back of the store. My full aimless path could be easily followed with a set of alarmingly clear footprints all the way up to where I was standing. I looked down and lifted my shoes to see more dirt fall off.
I approached the counter feeling the shame and awkwardness of my unknowing mistake. My mind raced for some smart quip or apology or some way to acknowledge my misdeed, but I remained silent, unable to even make eye contact.
As I walked away, convinced I would find a patch of mad to blame outside, I heard the man with the thick accent and heavy limp say to his colleague with a hint of defeat, “I need you to mop the floor again.”
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Wal-Mart Shopper
As I am sure my most faithful readers know by now, winning the lottery is a big part of my plans for the future. For one reason or another, I find a way to mention it almost as often as I disappear into long stretches of eerie silence.
Recently, my wife and I found ourselves in Wal-Mart with the goal of spending money. I’ve had two gift cards in my wallet totaling a little less that $100 since Christmas and frankly, the size of my wallet had become a pain in my ass. Those two cards had to go. It was almost like we had won the lottery.
After picking out a few items for both of us, we split up to spend about $20 each on whatever we wanted. My wife headed to the make-up and hair product section and I headed to the garden section. Then I went to the electronic section. Then the sports and games. Then the clothes department. Then I looked through the shampoos and checked on my wife. Then back to the electronics.
In all that is Wal-Mart, I could not find anything I wanted. In fact, I only considered a few things: the new Harry Potter movie, an automatic adjustable wrench that was 20% off, and a tower fan that, at $45, was out of my price range.
The gift cards were from Christmas, so as I stopped to appreciate the fan display, I tried to remember what was on my Christmas list. I couldn’t think of anything and before I knew it, I was wondering what would happen if you lined the expansive roof of Wal-Mart with little wind turbines and maybe designed a roof with aerodynamic grooves to harness the wind and...
I had to stop, for even a little wind turbine would be more than twenty dollars. I think I should win the lottery before I start scheming up any more big ideas. Yep, I might need to win the lottery two or three times in order to keep up with all my plans.
Unfortunately, I have yet to win the big one. Maybe that’s a good thing as I have a hard enough time deciding what to do with twenty dollars.
Recently, my wife and I found ourselves in Wal-Mart with the goal of spending money. I’ve had two gift cards in my wallet totaling a little less that $100 since Christmas and frankly, the size of my wallet had become a pain in my ass. Those two cards had to go. It was almost like we had won the lottery.
After picking out a few items for both of us, we split up to spend about $20 each on whatever we wanted. My wife headed to the make-up and hair product section and I headed to the garden section. Then I went to the electronic section. Then the sports and games. Then the clothes department. Then I looked through the shampoos and checked on my wife. Then back to the electronics.
In all that is Wal-Mart, I could not find anything I wanted. In fact, I only considered a few things: the new Harry Potter movie, an automatic adjustable wrench that was 20% off, and a tower fan that, at $45, was out of my price range.
The gift cards were from Christmas, so as I stopped to appreciate the fan display, I tried to remember what was on my Christmas list. I couldn’t think of anything and before I knew it, I was wondering what would happen if you lined the expansive roof of Wal-Mart with little wind turbines and maybe designed a roof with aerodynamic grooves to harness the wind and...
I had to stop, for even a little wind turbine would be more than twenty dollars. I think I should win the lottery before I start scheming up any more big ideas. Yep, I might need to win the lottery two or three times in order to keep up with all my plans.
Unfortunately, I have yet to win the big one. Maybe that’s a good thing as I have a hard enough time deciding what to do with twenty dollars.
Friday, April 29, 2011
A Trip to the Movies
I got my new glasses last Thursday. After several years of a need for new glasses, I feel rather silly that I waited so long to get new ones. I never felt any pressing reason to get new glasses, until last Friday. I first heard of the Packard Theater about a month ago, and I am somewhat bewildered at the level of excitement that came over me over this unique movie theater.
Outside of the small town of Culpeper, Virginia, amid rolling hills of farmhouses and silos, the Library of Congress has a facility that houses, restores, and celebrates film, typically old movies. Three times each week, the Library shows a selected movie in this beautiful retro-theater complete with chandeliers and a curtain that opens when the film begins.
Last Friday, they played The Shop Around the Corner starring a very young Jimmy Stewart. We had it circled on the calendar since first investigating it, which led to a month of anticipation. There is no cost of admission, but you have to make a reservation one week in advance. One week of growing excitement.
The movie turned out to be wonderful, and the whole experience lived up to pretty high expectations.
It leaves me wondering why there aren’t fancier movie theaters. Just the presence of the curtain made the old movie feel much more like a true production. With movie tickets costing $10, $12, maybe even $15 a pop, it seems like a curtain is a small thing to request.
Anyways, the 45 minute drive from home to the theater will keep me from being a regular at the Packard Theater, but it will also keep the excitement and expectation alive with every special occasion to a true cinematic experience.
Outside of the small town of Culpeper, Virginia, amid rolling hills of farmhouses and silos, the Library of Congress has a facility that houses, restores, and celebrates film, typically old movies. Three times each week, the Library shows a selected movie in this beautiful retro-theater complete with chandeliers and a curtain that opens when the film begins.
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| The ceiling has stars on it! ... not Hollywood stars! |
The movie turned out to be wonderful, and the whole experience lived up to pretty high expectations.
It leaves me wondering why there aren’t fancier movie theaters. Just the presence of the curtain made the old movie feel much more like a true production. With movie tickets costing $10, $12, maybe even $15 a pop, it seems like a curtain is a small thing to request.
Anyways, the 45 minute drive from home to the theater will keep me from being a regular at the Packard Theater, but it will also keep the excitement and expectation alive with every special occasion to a true cinematic experience.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
New Glasses
I just got new glasses. Ready for the big reveal?
I’ve needed new glasses for awhile now. It would have been a good idea if I had gotten new glasses a few years ago after I chipped my old ones, but I soldiered on.
It would have been smart to have at least gotten an eye exam last year when it was deemed a requisite to maintain my driver’s license, but I soldiered on.
I probably should have gotten new glasses last summer when one of the ear-pieces broke off making it difficult to keep them on my face, but still, I soldiered on.
It became ridiculous sometime around Halloween when, after repeatedly gluing that ear-piece and the other ear-piece, which had fallen off soon thereafter, I gave up on the ear-pieces and took to simply laying the eyeglasses precariously on my nose… but still I soldiered on, albeit cautiously.
Yes, it was definitely time. And thanks to a Groupon coupon, the time was definitely right.
I’ve needed new glasses for awhile now. It would have been a good idea if I had gotten new glasses a few years ago after I chipped my old ones, but I soldiered on.
It would have been smart to have at least gotten an eye exam last year when it was deemed a requisite to maintain my driver’s license, but I soldiered on.
I probably should have gotten new glasses last summer when one of the ear-pieces broke off making it difficult to keep them on my face, but still, I soldiered on.
It became ridiculous sometime around Halloween when, after repeatedly gluing that ear-piece and the other ear-piece, which had fallen off soon thereafter, I gave up on the ear-pieces and took to simply laying the eyeglasses precariously on my nose… but still I soldiered on, albeit cautiously.
Yes, it was definitely time. And thanks to a Groupon coupon, the time was definitely right.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Free Energy Savings Kit
I like the idea of companies competing to keep me happy. Currently they just compete to win me over and lure me into spending more money. As mentioned, Sunbeam didn’t do that and I appreciate it, and I don’t want a similar moment of generosity to go unnoticed.
A few days ago, I received an email from UPS informing me that “the package has been shipped.” I hadn’t ordered anything Confused, I searched for what the package could contain or where it was from or why it was coming my way. I didn’t find many answers. Yesterday, the package arrived.
Apparently several weeks ago, I completed a survey from my gas company, Columbia Gas. As a thank you, they sent a WarmWise Energy Savings Kit. It includes a water aerator, two swimming pool noodles, and a two low-flow shower heads!
I kind of like the shower head I currently use, and I’m not quite sure what a water aerator is, but I’ll definitely use the swimming pool noodles! Thanks, Columbia Gas!
And that brings our current score in the competition to keep me happy, Sunbeam: 1, Columbia Gas: 1, Everyone Else: 0.
Update: Luckily those flotation devices came with instructions. Here they are in use.
Two only got me so far, but I saw them at the hardware store for around a dollar. If they actually work, it seems like money well spent.
Update: Luckily those flotation devices came with instructions. Here they are in use.
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| Pipe warming noodles |
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Funny Money
While I stopped writing for a few weeks recently, life pushed onward. Many stories went unwritten, many tales never shared, but a few gems gleaned from my adventures in ordinary life are worth mentioning. This is one of them: I spent my emergency money on a hot dog and a coke.
It happened at a Costco in Woodbridge, Virginia . I was working, but out-of-the-office for lunch, so a co-worker suggested the big-box store’s little café as a cheap way to fill our bellies.
After visiting their surprisingly immaculate bathrooms, I ordered a foot-long hot dog and a coke. The total bill: $1.50. With the food laid out between the cashier and myself, I thoughtlessly presented my debit card and quickly learned that I needed cash. Unfortunately, that was a problem as my wallet was bare.
Tucked away in hidden corners, however, I keep my emergency money… two five dollar bills. Ten dollars will solve very few emergencies, but in truth, I never thought I would spend them. You see, they’ve been there a very long time.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The Coffee Pot
It has been a while since I wrote. I feel like that has become my theme. The Muted Guerrilla: It’s Been Awhile.
Or perhaps my theme has become not following through on grand plans for posts. This post is another example of this. See, its original idea involved a well-crafted sketch of me catching a slippery coffee pot with my foot in the moment before I kicked it into the cupboard door, smashing it into a million little pieces.
There’s much more to the story actually.
Monday, March 21, 2011
DC Wins!
There’s something about seeing a grown-man cry that just gets me every time.
After the first game of the season, I am pretty confident that DC United is the greatest soccer team in the world. After scoring just 21 goals in thirty games last season, they scored three times on Saturday to start the season off with a commanding win.
Although it’s extremely tempting, I’m not interested in turning the Muted Guerrilla into some fan site for DC United, but their performance on Saturday was truly remarkable and the story, I think, is appealing to more than just soccer fans. The first goal was very well done and was the result of the goal scorer, Josh Wolff, working his tail off throughout the game up to that point, but the next two goals are what, rightfully, people are talking about.
DC United’s newest forward is Charlie Davies, a man who 18 months ago seemed destined to lead the US to the World Cup. He emerged as a star throughout the qualifying stages of the World Cup, but in the days leading up to the final qualification game (coincidentally held at DC United’s home, RFK Stadium), he was a passenger in a car crash that killed one passenger and left Davies with life-threatening injuries, including a lacerated bladder, which sounds awful, and the need for doctor’s to pull back the skin from his face, leaving some pretty intense scars.
He also broke his leg in a few places and his career was almost certainly over. Saturday night was his first competitive game since October 2009. Coming in as a substitute, his first touch of the ball was when team captain Dax McCarty (what kind of name is Dax!) handed him the ball to take a penalty kick, which he converted. The second goal was, as they say, in the run-of-play as he beat both a defender and the goalie.
As wonderful as it was to watch it happen, the post game interview helps put it into perspective.
Well done, CD9. Best of luck throughout your comeback! Vamos United!
After the first game of the season, I am pretty confident that DC United is the greatest soccer team in the world. After scoring just 21 goals in thirty games last season, they scored three times on Saturday to start the season off with a commanding win.
Although it’s extremely tempting, I’m not interested in turning the Muted Guerrilla into some fan site for DC United, but their performance on Saturday was truly remarkable and the story, I think, is appealing to more than just soccer fans. The first goal was very well done and was the result of the goal scorer, Josh Wolff, working his tail off throughout the game up to that point, but the next two goals are what, rightfully, people are talking about.
DC United’s newest forward is Charlie Davies, a man who 18 months ago seemed destined to lead the US to the World Cup. He emerged as a star throughout the qualifying stages of the World Cup, but in the days leading up to the final qualification game (coincidentally held at DC United’s home, RFK Stadium), he was a passenger in a car crash that killed one passenger and left Davies with life-threatening injuries, including a lacerated bladder, which sounds awful, and the need for doctor’s to pull back the skin from his face, leaving some pretty intense scars.
He also broke his leg in a few places and his career was almost certainly over. Saturday night was his first competitive game since October 2009. Coming in as a substitute, his first touch of the ball was when team captain Dax McCarty (what kind of name is Dax!) handed him the ball to take a penalty kick, which he converted. The second goal was, as they say, in the run-of-play as he beat both a defender and the goalie.
As wonderful as it was to watch it happen, the post game interview helps put it into perspective.
Well done, CD9. Best of luck throughout your comeback! Vamos United!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
First Kick!
Last night, a new season of Major League Soccer officially began with 36,000 fans witnessing the Seattle Sounders falling to the LA Galaxy in the driving rain and cold winds of Seattle in mid-March. I’m not a fan of either team and the game itself wasn’t very good, but I cannot be more excited for the season to be under way.
My team, DC United, was terrible last year, record-setting-ly so, but I can’t help myself from being hugely optimistic and expecting the team to make the playoffs easily and challenge for the championship. Only time will tell though, and for DC, time begins Saturday night at 7:00 against Columbus.
Last night’s game began at around 10 at night. I stayed up for the whole thing, but it was definitely way past my bedtime. Not long ago, I could stay up late every now and then, getting just a few hours of sleep for the night. Those days appear to be over though as, today, I am zonked. I guess I'm not as young as I used to be.
I'm not, however, too old to be down-right giddy about soccer season. Vamos United!
My team, DC United, was terrible last year, record-setting-ly so, but I can’t help myself from being hugely optimistic and expecting the team to make the playoffs easily and challenge for the championship. Only time will tell though, and for DC, time begins Saturday night at 7:00 against Columbus.
Last night’s game began at around 10 at night. I stayed up for the whole thing, but it was definitely way past my bedtime. Not long ago, I could stay up late every now and then, getting just a few hours of sleep for the night. Those days appear to be over though as, today, I am zonked. I guess I'm not as young as I used to be.
I'm not, however, too old to be down-right giddy about soccer season. Vamos United!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Free Money and Expensive Coupons
Yesterday marked the twentieth and final day of my blogging strike. The impact on my life has been small but measureable. The strike began as a result of the moneymaking aspect of this blog, Google AdSense, disappeared at some point last month. I have tried to counter the lost revenue – expected to be in the 3-5 dollar range (that’s dollar with a D) – through various means.
My first attempt in surviving these difficult times was to be extra vigilant in my lost coin collecting. In theory this should work out. I figure that on a typical day with AdSense, I get somewhere between 2 cents and 10 cents, and then every now and then it spikes to around a dollar when some secret criteria of viewership is met. You’d think a penny or two, maybe a dirty nickel or looked over dime would be easy to find if you were searching for it. Well, it’s not… so stop fooling yourself. I experienced no such luck.
Then, I got a coupon book in the mail that claims to have $18 dollars in savings! I’m not much of a coupon-clipper, but that’s more money than I made in my first three years of Google AdSense! Armed with this little pot of gold, I headed off to the store, where I proceeded to clog up the aisles as I searched for each coupon. When I was investigating what size tub of cat litter my coupon qualified me for, I heard a man trying to get through say, “The cats cost nearly as much as the damn kids!”
“Ain’t that the truth,” was the best I could come up with as I struggled to flip through pages of torn out coupons. I wasn’t prepared for the awkward conversation that followed, and like my claim of having “damn kids,” I found myself stating that coupons are a necessity in finding the lowest price cat food. As I turned away, I ran the math through my head and realized that I was paying about as much as I usually did at another store.
In the end, my shopping bill was around $59, and that’s after my $3.25 in coupon savings. I saved a good bit, but it turns out that it’s expensive to use coupons.
Discouraged and down, I returned home and happened to check my AdSense Account. Not only did I make $1.85 in one day – cha-ching! – but my Blog was back on board! Good times are here again! Now that my blog is once again fully loaded with targeted ads, I encourage everyone to check out my sponsors.
Monday, March 14, 2011
The Power of the Press
Today, I am pleased to announce that my strike is officially over. In an unspoken truce, Google has restored their advertising here on the Muted Guerrilla, just days after my protest made headlines. Yes, I am once again free to stretch my babbling mind and exercise my vast egotism for the whole of the world to enjoy. (I hear I have regular readers in far-away lands!)
I will never again doubt the amazing influence that the media has in making change happen. And for this reason, I offer my services up for anyone who needs help. You got a problem, yo’ I’ll solve it… with a little help from the internets. I feel like my "Power of the Press" post should include something more meaningful than this, but it doesn't.
In truth, I have no idea what brought back my advertising. I can only hope that individuals among my massive following sent letters complaining, because otherwise, Google’s all-seeing eye is a little frightening.
I will never again doubt the amazing influence that the media has in making change happen. And for this reason, I offer my services up for anyone who needs help. You got a problem, yo’ I’ll solve it… with a little help from the internets. I feel like my "Power of the Press" post should include something more meaningful than this, but it doesn't.
In truth, I have no idea what brought back my advertising. I can only hope that individuals among my massive following sent letters complaining, because otherwise, Google’s all-seeing eye is a little frightening.
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